The bread of life

After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, also called the Sea of Tiberias. A large crowd kept following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing for the sick. Jesus went up the mountain and sat down there with his disciples. Now the Passover, the festival of the Jews, was near. When he looked up and saw a large crowd coming towards him, Jesus said to Philip, ‘Where are we to buy bread for these people to eat?’ He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do. Philip answered him, ‘Six months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little.’ One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, ‘There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But what are they among so many people?’ Jesus said, ‘Make the people sit down.’ Now there was a great deal of grass in the place; so they sat down, about five thousand in all. Then Jesus took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. When they were satisfied, he told his disciples, ‘Gather up the fragments left over, so that nothing may be lost.’ So they gathered them up, and from the fragments of the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten, they filled twelve baskets. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, ‘This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world.’

When Jesus realized that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

- John 6:1-15

This is the event, here in John, to which Jesus refers in yesterday's passage from Mark - the feeding of thousands (which his disciples had apparently forgotten when they assumed Jesus was upset because they'd forgotten to bring bread). Today we read that Jesus was being pursued by crowds because of all the healings he had done, and so he is given a large following because of these signs.

The first thing that strikes my mind is Jesus' retreat to a mountain. He's not necessarily happy with all of this fame and renown, to be pursued and followed by crowds clamoring for more signs and giving him the adulation that comes with fame. It seems to me that going up to the mountain and sitting there with his disciples is in the first place a retreat for meditation - to recall himself to his job. And so the crowd follows him even up the mountain and Jesus is concerned for what they will eat. In this gospel passage we're told that he tested the disciple by asking about buying bread; elsewhere his sympathy for the crowds is expressed. Significantly (because no sentence is wasted in these texts) we are told that the Passover festival was near. To my mind, this feeding on the mountaintop gives an allusion to the feeding with manna of those wandering in the wilderness following Moses and God's instruction. Here Jesus distributes bread, as we are also distributed bread in communion (and we were taught to pray for spiritual bread). There is also fish to distribute. And so, five thousand people are fed. When he understands they wish to make him king, he withdraws again - this time alone.

What does it mean that so many signs and miracles are done, and yet Jesus simply wishes to withdraw? Why should he have bothered, if he didn't want people following him simply for signs? Perhaps we might wonder why he didn't become king, solve everyone's problems, and feed all those who followed him? I think this is the question that is the crux and the heart of this ministry, and understanding what it is that God seems to want from us. What I have found in my own life is that so often things do not go as I wish them to go, prayed for them to go. And yet, after the understanding that this was so, there was a way open for me to go forward in faith that I had not anticipated. I found instead, a way God wanted me to go forward which actually had to do with what I could do for Him. There were others I could help, and in this helping was my gold, my reward, my food - and a way to go forward with my life and new, added understanding. Always, the result was to draw out deeper reserves I didn't know I had within myself, a new strength or quality I didn't know I was capable of developing.

I feel that ultimately the love that is distributed through this relationship is that which invests in us as disciples, gives us responsibility as capable beings. We are not here merely to be fed, but also to be entrusted with responsibility to discharge the things we're capable of doing, to build up values of the gold that doesn't rust, to create merit in the world. Our Lord doesn't wish to be made king - to find fame and favor is not what he's here for. Instead he asks of us virtue, and merit, and invests in us his love, his bread, his name.