Two shall become one flesh

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he cured them there.

Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning “made them male and female”, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?’ He said to them, ‘It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but at the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery.’

His disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.’

- Matthew 19:1-12

In today's reading, Jesus receives a test from the Pharisees. They are testing him regarding the divorce law based on interpretation of Deut. 24:1-4. They want to know his opinion on the legality of divorce. But, as with the Sermon on the Mount and so many of his other teachings, Jesus goes back to the spirit of the law - or rather the intent of the institution of marriage itself. As himself the person who is the fulfillment of the Law and Prophets, Jesus shifts the question to the purpose of marriage in the first place, its intent and nature as a gift from God.

Jesus begins his reply: ‘Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning “made them male and female”, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh.' In his answer, Jesus begins by going to the earliest story of creation - the beginning of the human race, before the Fall, and man's condition at that time. We are speaking of a world as it was intended by God: in relationship. That is, before the notion of separation from God entered man's consciousness. So, the great thing we must take from this example is Jesus' emphasis on relationship and relatedness, which we encounter so often as the great cornerstone of all of his teaching on all matters, great and small.

And, once again, not only is the emphasis on relatedness and relationship, but that relatedness and relationship is also in God, with God and through God. Just as we can go to the great teaching of Jesus to His apostles at the Last Supper, and read the theology of the Church in the teaching on the relatedness of Father, Son, Spirit and man, so we must understand the spirit of this teaching on divorce. It is an emphasis on what is held as marriage in a spiritual sense as instituted by God, what is the aim of marriage in the first place. The Creator has established an extension of relatedness, instituted to sustain and maintain relationship among his creation. And this is not simply "relationship" as we may understand the word in all its variable levels. This is a bond in which "two become one flesh" - leaving behind separate family ties and all else that stands in the way of forming a relationship of "one flesh" between the two individuals. "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

The Pharisees respond "Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?" And Jesus answers, "It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but at the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery." Again, the emphasis is on relationship. The ancient Church expanded reasons for divorce to include a threat to one's partner's life, desertion, and forced prostitution. But clearly, as other commentaries have noted, we can see the intent of the marriage bond, and thereby the ways in which this bond of relatedness can be broken. Jesus' reply, indicating the intent of marriage prior to Original Sin, gives us an understanding of the level of relatedness for which marriage as a sacred institution was intended. But He also indicates that we are capable of abusing and breaking that bond via our choices. Abuse of such relationship, in my opinion, can thereby come in many forms - and can render the marriage bond destroyed. We don't live in a perfect world and neither are any of us perfect beings, but the intent of marriage as depth of bond and relatedness in the Creator I think we'd do well to focus on and consider. The words "one flesh" are a profound indication of what love is, or is meant to be.

"His disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.’" Jesus' disciples consider the bond of the spiritual institution of marriage, and clearly that depth of bond that constitutes marriage is the emphasis in this teaching. For the sake of the kingdom, Jesus says, there are those who have made themselves celibate. Not all are called to marriage - and some are called to celibacy, we read here, for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. So there is a kind of freedom in this teaching which we again must examine if we are to seriously consider what this institution is as a spiritual creation in God. We return to themes of union and relationship: some are called to celibacy for the sake of the kingdom for which Jesus has come into the world. God joins people together, and also calls others to celibacy for the sake of relatedness to God and to the members of the kingdom. Relatedness and relationship in spiritual terms come in many forms. Each is called by God to one's own way of serving the intention of that Will.

When we think of marriage, we'd do well to start with the understanding of the depth of relatedness for which it was intended. We first start with our notions of God and what we understand from Jesus' continued emphasis on love and relationship in so many forms. How are you called to love? In prayer, what does your heart of hearts teach you about union?