The two shall become one flesh

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

- Matthew 19:1-12

In recent readings, Jesus has been teaching about leadership in the Church. It began with Thursday's reading last week, in which we read that the disciples asked the question, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Jesus drew to Himself a little child, and then began to teach. They must become like a little child to receive God. They must take care how they treat the "little ones" in the Church. He said, "Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." He warned severely against causing the "little ones" to sin and stumble. In Friday's reading, He said, "Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven." He came to save the lost sheep, and so must the leadership take into concern in His Church. Jesus then gave a formula for forgiveness in the Church, repairing relationship among members. Finally, on Saturday, Peter asked, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Then Jesus told a parable of the kingdom of heaven, about a king who forgave a huge debt to one of his servants, but then the servant would not forgive the smaller debt owed to him by a fellow servant. When the other servants found out, they went and told their master. The king said, "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" Jesus taught, "And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. Once again, Jesus is traveling with the disciples. They are now in the region of Judea. Here we are told that He is as popular as in His ministry around Galilee, a following of multitudes, and the same signs of healing.

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" The Pharisees had come into Galilee before to test Him, now He is in their home territory. But the gospel writer also has other things to teach us here, and that is also about relationship and relatedness. In recent readings, we've been taught about relatedness in the Church, how the leadership must lead by example and what kind of relationships should characterize His Church. Here we begin Jesus' teachings on the sacrament of marriage, the character of relationship between men and women as instituted by God.

And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." I believe we really need to focus on the disparity between the two genders in Jesus' time, and understand the power of men and the lack of power, generally speaking, that belonged to women. In Jesus' expression here, then, we can see several important aspects of this relationship in terms of social structure. If we look very closely at His words, there are several powerful things implied. First of all, as Jesus restates from Genesis, we note that both genders are united in this bond; in other words, the social and political world of power and rank may be divided up between the genders, and male and female inhabit different social worlds. But in this sacrament, both are brought together. Secondly, while family and lineage may determine so much of status and rank in the world, it is secondary to the institution of marriage. In this bond, a man leaves his father and mother and is instead joined to his wife. In this vision of marriage, it is the wife who becomes the closer bond. Finally, this bond is so important that not only does it rank more strongly than relationship to parents, but it is so complete that "the two shall become one flesh." The implication of closeness is so strong that it says that if one feels pain, then so does the other. Looking closely at the text of Matthew, the Evangelist has invited us into an understanding of relationship that contrasts strongly with the social custom, and especially the traditional place of women. This follows on the heels of the understanding of leadership, rank, service and relationship in the Church. Here, the teaching is drawn out to that within the sacrament of marriage. What we are in fact reading about, as pointed out by my study bible, is a re-institution, by Christ, of marriage relationship in the Garden, before the Fall. It is, in effect, an undoing of the effects of sin, after which Eve was told as representative of all women: "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (my emphasis). As the conversation continues, we will understand more deeply the contrast in values Jesus offers from the custom of the men to whom He's speaking. My study bible says, "The harmony of Adam and Eve with God and with each other was a great virtue. Adam considered Eve a part of himself (Gen 2:23). When he cut himself off from the love of God, that harmony was broken. Jesus restores the marriage relationship to its original state, giving it a spiritual dimension."

They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." The Pharisees' understanding of divorce is from an interpretation of Deut. 24:1-4. At the time Jesus was speaking, a man could obtain a certificate of divorce very easily. In this sense, a woman was treated like a form of property -- in which she could easily be left destitute and without resource, rank or status. What Jesus, in effect, is doing here is explicit: he's addressing the "hardness of their hearts" embodied in this practice of easy divorce. The emphasis on monogamy was enhancing the status of women through the importance of relationship in spiritual terms. My study bible says that the reasons for divorce in the ancient Church were eventually increased to include threat to one partner's life, desertion, and forced prostitution (thereby, it seems, evidently increasing protection for women by doing so). Also of interest, it comments on the passage: "Divorce is permitted only for sexual immorality, which destroys a marriage -- a teaching held also by the stricture school of the Pharisees." While the Church may grant divorce, it notes, divorce is regarded as "a spiritual tragedy requiring great pastoral care."

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it." My study bible says, "Eunuchs are lifelong celibates. Jesus praises those who have made themselves eunuchs, that is, those who are celibate by free choice and according to God's will for them." Jesus quite clearly implies there is a choice to be made. It's not for everybody; there is a freedom here. We don't share the custom any longer of "those who are made eunuchs by men" (and the first Ecumenical Council in A.D. 325 would reject willful mutilation), but we can understand what Jesus is teaching. There are those who choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The disciples themselves understand with powerful impact what this type of marriage means, as Jesus institutes such relationship. The choice, in effect, becomes more powerful, more important, carrying a great depth of responsibility and effort.

When we look at today's passage, we really must think about the world into which Jesus was born, the perspective of the men to whom He's speaking, and include even the perspective of His own disciples. What Jesus is instituting, or re-instituting here, is a powerful bond. He's just spoken of the tremendous bond between God and those faithful who will be in His Church. Here He extends the understanding to another kind of bond as instituted by God, the holy sacrament of marriage. And it is for the good of the whole of humankind. Jesus is undoing the effects of the Fall, that which causes one gender to fear another, an imbalance in relatedness that results in exploitation, easy discarding of one person in the relationship that may leave the one with less power ostracized, isolated, destitute. It is for "the hardness of their hearts," He says, and the hardness of one's heart is something that Jesus will strive to counteract in all circumstances, in so many ways. The spiritual reception of the heart then becomes another manifestation of love, the relatedness desired by God. We replace in both the teachings on leadership in the Church and here in the institution of marriage, worldly understanding of rank and hierarchy and power with God's understanding of what it is to be truly "great." All involves humility and service -- even those who are eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of God. So let's think about the terms of Jesus' understanding here, and how we make choices in life -- and the essential importance of those choices. They all imply responsibility. To what do we choose to bind ourselves? Do we make a commitment of love, what is best for community and for relationship? Do we take such bonds lightly? How do God's spiritual plans for us counter our worldly sense of political or social hierarchy and relatedness to one another? And most importantly, what does it all say about how Jesus teaches that we bring the kingdom of heaven into this world, in undoing the Fall?