I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."

- Matthew 27:1-10

In our current reading, it is Holy Week.   We have read of Jesus' betrayal and arrest in the garden of Gethsemane, and His night trial before the Council.  In yesterday's reading, we were told that Peter sat outside in the courtyard at this time during Christ's trial.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.  Israel is under Roman occupation, and so only the Roman authorities can impose the death penalty.  Jewish religious Law gave the death penalty for blasphemy (Leviticus 24:16), but the Jews could not carry out an execution.  The chief priests and elders take Jesus to Pontius Pilate the governor, for permission.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  In yesterday's reading, we read about Peter's three-time denial of Christ as he stood outside Jesus' night trial in the courtyard of the high priest.  We read of Peter's bitter tears at recollecting Christ's words to him when he heard the rooster crow.  Here Judas is contrasted with Peter.  There is remorse at his act of betrayal, but repentance, turning back, is something different.  My study bible says that suicide here is not a  sign of repentance but of being self-absorbed.  There is another account of Judas' suicide in Acts 1:16-19.

What is the difference between repentance and remorse?  This is a difficult question, but one we have to consider when we think about the differences between Judas and Peter.  In yesterday's reading, first of all, we were told that when Peter realized what he'd done, he went out and wept bitterly.  This realization took the form of remembrance of Christ.  Peter remembered the word of Jesus.   These are three things in repentance that we note about this passage:  that Peter wept bitter tears, that he remembered the word of Christ, that he went out.   That is, the tears are those of repentance, his true repentance comes with remembrance of the word of Christ, and he also immediately took himself out of the situation of testing and temptation -- the environment which preyed upon his weakness.  If we look at Judas' actions, we see something different, contrasting.  It is after the fact of betrayal.  Jesus has now been tried in a night trial, He has been convicted by the chief priests, elders, and the whole of the council.  He has been led off to the Roman governor Pilate.  It is as Jesus is taken to the Gentiles for execution that Judas feels remorse, when the weight of the decision to betray innocent blood is felt by him.  But he has always known Jesus to be innocent.   He does not return to find Christ or the disciples, but neither is there remembrance of the word of Christ here in Judas.    Rather, he returns to the chief priests and elders, stating that he has betrayed innocent blood, he is a sinner, and he casts down the money they paid him.  There are no bitter tears here, because instead of repentance there seems to be an effort to undo what he has done.  The chief priests and elders tell him his sin is his business and that he must see to it himself.  Again, at this point, there is no remembrance of the word of Christ, there is no turning to the One who shows mercy.  Instead, the evil into which Judas has plunged himself, with which he's gone along, turns deeply and darkly inward -- and the way out for him is by his own hand.  He's returned to the place of temptation, the environment of those who wished to put Jesus to death, found nothing that would help him with repentance, and is left with his own thoughts.  In this scenario, with this limited means for salvation and a future, there is no way forward for him but self-destruction.  Peter's tears are signs of acceptance, a recognition of failure and weakness.  But Judas is still relying on what he knows or thinks he knows, remembrance of Christ doesn't come into this, and his solution is the limited understanding of destruction without mercy and without a possible future.  He does not turn to the One who is life itself, and is left only with sin (which is death).   If we think about this in such a way, what we come to understand is that acceptance of who we are, with all our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, must be a doorway to a future that is salvation.  That is, a reliance on Christ.  Repentance is in the turning back, the remembrance of Christ's word and all that it contains of mercy and love, and is ultimately all about renewal of life from the One who is always making all things new.  This is the always "new" spirit of the New Covenant.  Judas drank from that cup at the Last Supper when the Eucharist was instituted by Jesus, but failed to allow it to permeate his heart.  He's lost in his own darkness, in this hard place where he is up against a life without Christ.  What we remember is that there is always a future with Him, no matter how bleak we may look or our lives may appear.  This is the crux of faith, the true rock that gives us someplace strong to stand upon, the path that sets us free to go forward, and to truly serve.