I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor. 

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went out and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."

 

- Matthew 27:1-10 

 

Yesterday we read that, as Jesus was being tried in the house of the high priest,  Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"   Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  

 

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.  While the religious Law dictated the death penalty for blasphemers (Leviticus 24:16), and the high priest has declared Jesus to be a blasphemer (see Wednesday's reading), under Roman occupation, the Jews were prohibited from carrying out an execution.  Therefore, my study Bible explains, they had to get permission from the governor.

 

 Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went out and hanged himself.    And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  In contrast to Peter who repented in his sorrow, weeping bitter tears of recognition (Matthew 26:75), Judas is remorseful but does not repent.  My study Bible says that suicide is not a sign of repentance but rather of being self-absorbed.  There are two accounts of Judas' suicide given in the New Testament:  here and in Acts 1:16-19.  Both accounts name the purchased field the Field of Blood.  The prophecy is from Jeremiah 32:6-9; compare to Zechariah 11:12-13 (link).

We might ask, what is the difference between repentance and remorse?  If we look at these words in Greek, repentance is μετάνοια/metanoia.  The word translated here as remorseful is a verb, μεταμέλομαι/metamelomai, meaning that he became remorseful.   We can see one significant difference in these words in the fact that the first, for repentance, ends with -νοια, which comes from the Greek word νοῦς/nous.   Meta- is change, as in an effect of transforming; nous is often translated as mind, the root of words like "noetic."  But it is deeper than simply our understanding of "mind" as the place of daily thoughts that come and go.  The "nous" is also understood as the part of ourselves that can receive illumination and understanding from God, from the divine.  Therefore, the change that is repentance is a kind of total internal conversion, an inner orientation to God that transforms us deeply as persons.  Perhaps we could say it deeply or fundamentally changes our whole way of thinking or perceiving meanings in some sense.  But metamelomai is meta- plus -melo, which means "care" or "concern."  So the implication of remorse is regret for a bad outcome, rather than a deeply-felt change of heart.  It quite implies, to my way of thinking, an objectifying way of looking at Christ, rather than the personal loving relationship Christ offers to all.  Possibly the outcome of Christ's trial was not what Judas expected.  Perhaps this horrible outcome struck Judas with the reality which he had actually brought about through his betrayal.  Delivering Christ to the Romans for Crucifixion and death is a betrayal of the society in some sense, to deliver a fellow Jew for judgment.  At any rate, he has betrayed innocent blood, and now bears this burden of this great sin under the law, which the chief priests and elders do not help him alleviate, saying, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"   And these rulers clearly do not receive him with any kind of positive recognition or inclusion for what he's done in collaborating with them; instead he bears the brunt of this sin.  We don't really know the answers as to Judas' motivations and desires (John tells us that he was a thief), but the Gospels give us these words to think about.  Peter does not with forethought betray Christ; it is a kind of impulsive response to fear that prompted his denials, and a forgetfulness of Christ's warning.  His recognition of his own weakness serves to illuminate Christ's words to Peter that he must "watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation" (see Monday's reading).  Judas' action, however, was more deliberate and considered, and he was given many instances in which Christ still sought to save him, to make him think about what he was doing in betrayal, to let him know the reality of his choice, even offering him friendship until the last moment ("Friend, why have you come?"); see Tuesday's reading.  Judas' remorse somehow comes short of restoring relationship with Christ, and the focus is still on the self, as my study Bible explains.  It is akin to a regret for something because it didn't turn out the way one expected.  With this sort of regret, one can go one way and another -- take it to a deeper place in recognition of the true harm one has caused and therefore to repentance, coming to Christ.  Or, the dwelling remains on the self only.  For the Eastern Orthodox, a morbid or excessive guilt is still a form of self-centeredness.  Repentance is finding salvation, coming to Christ for healing and for true transformation of the inner self, allowing oneself to be changed.  It is Christ who heals and transforms, who gives us the true perspective we need in life, and teaches us true reality -- and in that depth of relationship and communion, we are healed.  This is the foundation of our faith, and this is what Judas fails still to realize.  He does not come to Christ with his repentance, but only to the chief priests and elders with his regret.  Let us consider, then, when we think about this passage, the love of Christ that can remit sin, and in which we can truly find ourselves and what we need to heal -- even from our own self-inflicted damage.

 

 

I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me." 

- Matthew 27:1–10 

Yesterday we read that Peter sat outside in the courtyard of the house of the high priest, as Jesus was on trial inside with the whole Council present.  And a servant girl came to Peter, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.  Although they have condemned Jesus for blasphemy (see Wednesday's reading), the Jewish leaders are prohibited from carrying out a capital punishment.  Only the Roman authority can do that.  Under the religious Law, blasphemers received the death penalty (Leviticus 24:16).   As we will see, they will have to make a different accusation before Pilate, for a severe violation of Roman law.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  My study bible compares Judas with Peter.  Peter repented in his sorrow (26:75; see yesterday's reading above).   But by contrast, Judas is remorseful, but does not repent.  My study bible says that suicide is not a sign of repentance, but is rather one of being self-absorbed.  There are two accounts of Judas' suicide in the New Testament:  here and in Acts 1:16-19.

If we consider the distinction between the Greek words for repentance and remorse, we find the main difference in these words is in the root of where this "change" takes place.  In the case of repentance, the change in a person occurs in the what is called "nous" (νοῦς) in Greek.  This is a word translated as "mind," but it does not have the purely intellectual orientation we might consider in modern thought.  This word for repentance, metanoia/μετανοια, which literally means "change of mind," indicates a difference in orientation of the conviction of the heart, the fullness of the inner being, awareness, and purpose.  In the word for remorse (metamelomai/μεταμέλομαι), the change that occurs is of the emotions, in contrast to the mind.  Therefore purpose or inner orientation on Judas' part -- whether that be resentment toward Jesus or greed for the money (as is suggested in the story of Jesus' rebuke to Judas for his condemnation of Mary of Bethany, see John 12:1-8), or any other speculation as to his motive -- remains virtually unchanged here, or perhaps neglected.  At the same time, Judas is remorseful at the recognition and consequences of sin that have been brought upon himself.  In his own words, he says, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  Whatever Judas' motivations were toward Jesus and His ministry in the end, he enters into despair at realizing his sin, for the condemned Jesus is an innocent Man.  Judas' return to those who offered such a bargain in the first place, the corrupt religious leadership, guarantees that he will find no mercy nor help, for they themselves are complicit.  He cannot change what he has done by returning the money.  As they say, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  It is entirely left to Judas himself to cope with the personal consequences.   In Judaism repentance was central to the faith and its practices.  The Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, is a day for repentance of one's sins before and against God.  In terms of sin against another person in community, measures were to be taken to restore that which one has taken from another fellow Jew (or neighbor):  whether the "debt" be through slander or thievery or another device.  In the case of slander, an apology was necessary; in the case of stealing, restitution.  In we look closely, for example, at the story of Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector, who repents before Christ as He travels through Jericho, Zacchaeus' repentance includes the following promise:  "Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold."  (See Luke 19:10.)   But in this understanding of the need for restoration, what could Judas return to Christ once Christ has been handed over to the Roman state, for punishment via the Gentiles?  How can Judas "see to" his sin and remorse, as the chief priests and elders tell him?  In this scenario of the sin of innocent blood, how is recompense possible?  The only possible consideration, it seems, would lie outside of the demand for full restitution, which isn't possible.  In this case that would mean turning toward Christ in true repentance, and seeking restoration of communion, including with the disciples.  But we do not know what was possible or how Judas could have found restoration of communion among them.  We only know the weight of his sin.  In any case, in Judas' betrayal of Christ, he has taken a wrong turn, and each successive decision afterward is simply a continuance of the same choice.  Let us consider the importance of our communion with Christ, for it is there we find His life, there we live by His commands, and in His love.  It is there that we are restored when we have been lost.

I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor. 

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced," whom they of the children of Israel priced, "and gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord directed me."

- Matthew 27:1-10

Yesterday we read that Peter sat outside in the courtyard with the servants while Jesus was on trial inside the house of Caiaphas the high priest.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

  When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.   The religious Law dictated that the penalty for blasphemers was death (Leviticus 24:16).  But under Roman occupation, the Jews were prohibited from carrying out an execution.  Therefore they had to get permission from the the governor. 

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord directed me."  My study bible contrasts Judas to Peter.  Peter repented in his sorrow (see yesterday's reading, above, in which Peter wept bitterly).   It notes that Judas is remorseful but does not repent.  Suicide, it says, is not a sign of repentance but rather of self-absorption.  Two accounts of Judas' suicide are given in the New Testament, here and in Acts 1:16-19.

My study bible contrasts Judas' act of suicide with Peter's repentance.  If we look carefully at the differences we can perhaps find some important distinctions.  In Jewish Law, there was no such thing as allowance for "blood money" penalties.  That is, the only punishment for murder was death; it was not allowed to pay a financial penalty in recompense for murder.  The money from Judas is considered "the price of blood" by the chief priests, and therefore unlawful for the treasury.  Judas carries out his own penalty for murder, and hangs himself.   Judas recognizes, after Jesus' condemnation, that he has "sinned by betraying innocent blood."  But the chief priests and elders can do nothing to help him, he is to "see to it" himself -- and so he does.  We must contrast this with Peter who, although he has not betrayed "innocent blood" in the same sense that Judas has, nevertheless has denied Christ and repented through "bitter tears."  Peter's denial also comes in the face of a refusal to heed Christ's words to him prophesying the denial.  For many, the key difference here is that Peter will return to Christ and to the Church, and Judas does not.  Is there hope for Judas?  We noted in the commentary in Tuesday's reading (in which Judas betrayed Christ with a kiss) that Jesus immediately addressed Judas, saying, "Friend, why have you come?"  Jesus, even after betrayal, is still attempting to save Judas.  It seems clear from Jesus' question that He attempts to engage Judas, not to condemn, but to assure him that there is a possibility of return even then.  But Judas does not return to Christ, nor does he return to the other apostles.  We don't know, of course, what his reception with the other apostles would have been, but it is clear that whatever place in which he experiences his remorse is devoid of mercy or redemption.  He is engaged only with a system in which the penalty for his action is death -- and he does not go to the One who seeks above all else our salvation.  He has given up his life as a follower of Christ.  In Luke chapter 15, Jesus tells three parables, each of which affirms God's exemplary joy over even one sinner who repents.  Jesus says in the first parable (of the lost sheep), "I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance."  He repeats after the second parable (of the lost coin), "Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."  And finally, He tells the parable of the Prodigal Son, with the father declaring, "It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found."  This three-fold emphasis on the incredible joy over one who repents, who was lost and is therefore found by returning to his father, must leave us with the assurance that there is none for whom God's love does not desire return.  We can look at the horror of the betrayal of Judas, and its depth of sinfulness, but we are then left with a question.  Do we take Judas' perspective that there is no hope at all, and that he is only deserving of death -- or can we wonder about the possibility of a return to Christ and what Christ's judgment would be?  It's clear that from a worldly perspective, there was only condemnation for Judas, and his own self-imposed exile from Christ limited his option to death by his own hand.  But with Christ, judgment comes only from God, whose love for us is so great that salvation is the key priority to all things, and the joy in heaven that we are assured awaits one who was lost and is found again.  In the story of Judas there is the assurance that although the world would condemn, our hope is with Christ -- even when there is no other hope.  This is the definition of our faith.  St. Paul writes, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1).  Judas, above all else, lacks this faith, but it is in that very faith that lies our hope when all other possibilities seem to be exhausted.  He lacks the very gift that Christ has brought to us when all else fails.  

I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."

- Matthew 27:1-10

In our current reading, it is Holy Week.   We have read of Jesus' betrayal and arrest in the garden of Gethsemane, and His night trial before the Council.  In yesterday's reading, we were told that Peter sat outside in the courtyard at this time during Christ's trial.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.  Israel is under Roman occupation, and so only the Roman authorities can impose the death penalty.  Jewish religious Law gave the death penalty for blasphemy (Leviticus 24:16), but the Jews could not carry out an execution.  The chief priests and elders take Jesus to Pontius Pilate the governor, for permission.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  In yesterday's reading, we read about Peter's three-time denial of Christ as he stood outside Jesus' night trial in the courtyard of the high priest.  We read of Peter's bitter tears at recollecting Christ's words to him when he heard the rooster crow.  Here Judas is contrasted with Peter.  There is remorse at his act of betrayal, but repentance, turning back, is something different.  My study bible says that suicide here is not a  sign of repentance but of being self-absorbed.  There is another account of Judas' suicide in Acts 1:16-19.

What is the difference between repentance and remorse?  This is a difficult question, but one we have to consider when we think about the differences between Judas and Peter.  In yesterday's reading, first of all, we were told that when Peter realized what he'd done, he went out and wept bitterly.  This realization took the form of remembrance of Christ.  Peter remembered the word of Jesus.   These are three things in repentance that we note about this passage:  that Peter wept bitter tears, that he remembered the word of Christ, that he went out.   That is, the tears are those of repentance, his true repentance comes with remembrance of the word of Christ, and he also immediately took himself out of the situation of testing and temptation -- the environment which preyed upon his weakness.  If we look at Judas' actions, we see something different, contrasting.  It is after the fact of betrayal.  Jesus has now been tried in a night trial, He has been convicted by the chief priests, elders, and the whole of the council.  He has been led off to the Roman governor Pilate.  It is as Jesus is taken to the Gentiles for execution that Judas feels remorse, when the weight of the decision to betray innocent blood is felt by him.  But he has always known Jesus to be innocent.   He does not return to find Christ or the disciples, but neither is there remembrance of the word of Christ here in Judas.    Rather, he returns to the chief priests and elders, stating that he has betrayed innocent blood, he is a sinner, and he casts down the money they paid him.  There are no bitter tears here, because instead of repentance there seems to be an effort to undo what he has done.  The chief priests and elders tell him his sin is his business and that he must see to it himself.  Again, at this point, there is no remembrance of the word of Christ, there is no turning to the One who shows mercy.  Instead, the evil into which Judas has plunged himself, with which he's gone along, turns deeply and darkly inward -- and the way out for him is by his own hand.  He's returned to the place of temptation, the environment of those who wished to put Jesus to death, found nothing that would help him with repentance, and is left with his own thoughts.  In this scenario, with this limited means for salvation and a future, there is no way forward for him but self-destruction.  Peter's tears are signs of acceptance, a recognition of failure and weakness.  But Judas is still relying on what he knows or thinks he knows, remembrance of Christ doesn't come into this, and his solution is the limited understanding of destruction without mercy and without a possible future.  He does not turn to the One who is life itself, and is left only with sin (which is death).   If we think about this in such a way, what we come to understand is that acceptance of who we are, with all our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, must be a doorway to a future that is salvation.  That is, a reliance on Christ.  Repentance is in the turning back, the remembrance of Christ's word and all that it contains of mercy and love, and is ultimately all about renewal of life from the One who is always making all things new.  This is the always "new" spirit of the New Covenant.  Judas drank from that cup at the Last Supper when the Eucharist was instituted by Jesus, but failed to allow it to permeate his heart.  He's lost in his own darkness, in this hard place where he is up against a life without Christ.  What we remember is that there is always a future with Him, no matter how bleak we may look or our lives may appear.  This is the crux of faith, the true rock that gives us someplace strong to stand upon, the path that sets us free to go forward, and to truly serve.

What is that to us? You see to it!

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."

- Matthew 27:1-10

Yesterday, we read that Peter sat outside in the courtyard of the high priest, while Jesus was being tried inside.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.


 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.   My study bible says, "While the religious Law dictated the death penalty for blasphemers (Leviticus 24:16), under Roman occupation, the Jews were prohibited from carrying out an execution.  Thus, they had to get permission from the governor."

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  In contrast to Peter, my study bible points out, Judas doesn't repent although he is remorseful.    Suicide isn't a sign of repentance -- rather that of being self-absorbed.  My study bible also notes that there are two versions given of Judas' suicide in the New Testament:  here and in Acts 1:16-19.

Here's another sign of failure, as we noted in yesterday's reading and commentary.  This time, it's the failure in Judas' suicide -- a disciple hand-chosen by Christ, who fails to repent:  to turn to God's love, ask forgiveness, confess the sin not to those who encouraged him, but to the disciples who were his brothers in Christ.  He tries instead to undo the sin, to return the money, but this isn't really the point.  In some way, it's still a focus on the money, something in common with all the stories we've read about Judas:  that he was the treasurer, that he criticized the woman who anointed Jesus with the expensive ointment for the wasting of something valuable.  He's the one whom John names a thief.  His sin is extraordinary, true -- but these men he turns to don't represent Christ or the things that Christ taught.  Instead, they remain those who would strain out a gnat and swallow a camel:  they don't care about Judas, and they don't help him, it's just his problem in their sight.  Instead they worry about the lawfulness of blood money going into the treasury, and buy a potter's field, in which foreigners are buried.  What's the difference between remorse and repentance?  The question is important, because remorse may be one thing:  we think possibly we can fix that problem somehow, like by returning the silver pieces to those who plotted an innocent man's death in the first place.  But this doesn't "fix" things.  And often we might feel remorse for something that happened long ago, that we can't just "fix."  The answer to both things we can fix and things we can't is repentance, going to God.  Asking for a kind of transformation, with a willingness to change ourselves (or our "minds" as the word for repentance in Greek literally says).  The Greek for repentance is a word that implies a deep change of the self.  That kind of change comes with God's help, and comes from a return to God.  Peter will rejoin the disciples, and we know he will be forgiven explicitly and included by Christ (see Mark 16:7).  Where does Judas go?   Perhaps he felt he could not return to the disciples, but where is his prayer?  Does he attempt to see Christ?  He only gives back the money in an attempt to relieve himself of guilt, but there is no prayer here:  he takes his life by his own hands, as a kind of self-punishment.  Where is the God of love in this scenario?  I think it's a crucial distinction.  The emphasis here on guilt and punishment, the absence of the concept of repentance, renewal, Resurrection -- it is not here.  And love is not here, and mercy is not here.  There are all kinds of things in this world we may have remorse for.  But remorse in and of itself isn't an end -- taken to its end alone, it becomes a kind of self-centered morbid guilt that can lead away from God.  Instead, repentance is turning to God, to the power of Christ, the work of the Holy Spirit, and confessing and asking, "What do I do?"  There are those others also who can help us do so if they too trust the love of God.  We need Christ's power to repent, to truly change in the direction God will ask of us, to find the way forward out of this nihilistic ending of pure remorse.  Any way we go, our own self-centeredness can work to deceive:  we no more do what is right through self-destruction than we do through pure self-exaltation.  It's two sides of the same coin.  What we need instead is the rehabilitation from the love that teaches and leads us forward, beyond the sin -- and this comes through repentance.  At the early part of the reading, we read that Jesus is bound in order to be led to Pilate.  It symbolically teaches what the reality is for Judas, and perhaps all of us, without Christ -- in a kind of merciless world that doesn't teach us otherwise.