I have sinned by betraying innocent blood

 

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor. 

Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went out and hanged himself.  But the chief priests took the silver pieces and said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, because they are the price of blood."  And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."

 

- Matthew 27:1-10 

 

Yesterday we read that, as Jesus was being tried in the house of the high priest,  Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"   Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  

 

 When morning came, all the chief priests and elders of the people plotted against Jesus to put Him to death.  And when they had bound Him, they led Him away and delivered Him to Pontius Pilate the governor.  While the religious Law dictated the death penalty for blasphemers (Leviticus 24:16), and the high priest has declared Jesus to be a blasphemer (see Wednesday's reading), under Roman occupation, the Jews were prohibited from carrying out an execution.  Therefore, my study Bible explains, they had to get permission from the governor.

 

 Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  And they said, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"  Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went out and hanged himself.    And they consulted together and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.  Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.  Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of Him who was priced, whom they of the children of Israel priced, and gave them for the potter's field, as the LORD directed me."  In contrast to Peter who repented in his sorrow, weeping bitter tears of recognition (Matthew 26:75), Judas is remorseful but does not repent.  My study Bible says that suicide is not a sign of repentance but rather of being self-absorbed.  There are two accounts of Judas' suicide given in the New Testament:  here and in Acts 1:16-19.  Both accounts name the purchased field the Field of Blood.  The prophecy is from Jeremiah 32:6-9; compare to Zechariah 11:12-13 (link).

We might ask, what is the difference between repentance and remorse?  If we look at these words in Greek, repentance is μετάνοια/metanoia.  The word translated here as remorseful is a verb, μεταμέλομαι/metamelomai, meaning that he became remorseful.   We can see one significant difference in these words in the fact that the first, for repentance, ends with -νοια, which comes from the Greek word νοῦς/nous.   Meta- is change, as in an effect of transforming; nous is often translated as mind, the root of words like "noetic."  But it is deeper than simply our understanding of "mind" as the place of daily thoughts that come and go.  The "nous" is also understood as the part of ourselves that can receive illumination and understanding from God, from the divine.  Therefore, the change that is repentance is a kind of total internal conversion, an inner orientation to God that transforms us deeply as persons.  Perhaps we could say it deeply or fundamentally changes our whole way of thinking or perceiving meanings in some sense.  But metamelomai is meta- plus -melo, which means "care" or "concern."  So the implication of remorse is regret for a bad outcome, rather than a deeply-felt change of heart.  It quite implies, to my way of thinking, an objectifying way of looking at Christ, rather than the personal loving relationship Christ offers to all.  Possibly the outcome of Christ's trial was not what Judas expected.  Perhaps this horrible outcome struck Judas with the reality which he had actually brought about through his betrayal.  Delivering Christ to the Romans for Crucifixion and death is a betrayal of the society in some sense, to deliver a fellow Jew for judgment.  At any rate, he has betrayed innocent blood, and now bears this burden of this great sin under the law, which the chief priests and elders do not help him alleviate, saying, "What is that to us?  You see to it!"   And these rulers clearly do not receive him with any kind of positive recognition or inclusion for what he's done in collaborating with them; instead he bears the brunt of this sin.  We don't really know the answers as to Judas' motivations and desires (John tells us that he was a thief), but the Gospels give us these words to think about.  Peter does not with forethought betray Christ; it is a kind of impulsive response to fear that prompted his denials, and a forgetfulness of Christ's warning.  His recognition of his own weakness serves to illuminate Christ's words to Peter that he must "watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation" (see Monday's reading).  Judas' action, however, was more deliberate and considered, and he was given many instances in which Christ still sought to save him, to make him think about what he was doing in betrayal, to let him know the reality of his choice, even offering him friendship until the last moment ("Friend, why have you come?"); see Tuesday's reading.  Judas' remorse somehow comes short of restoring relationship with Christ, and the focus is still on the self, as my study Bible explains.  It is akin to a regret for something because it didn't turn out the way one expected.  With this sort of regret, one can go one way and another -- take it to a deeper place in recognition of the true harm one has caused and therefore to repentance, coming to Christ.  Or, the dwelling remains on the self only.  For the Eastern Orthodox, a morbid or excessive guilt is still a form of self-centeredness.  Repentance is finding salvation, coming to Christ for healing and for true transformation of the inner self, allowing oneself to be changed.  It is Christ who heals and transforms, who gives us the true perspective we need in life, and teaches us true reality -- and in that depth of relationship and communion, we are healed.  This is the foundation of our faith, and this is what Judas fails still to realize.  He does not come to Christ with his repentance, but only to the chief priests and elders with his regret.  Let us consider, then, when we think about this passage, the love of Christ that can remit sin, and in which we can truly find ourselves and what we need to heal -- even from our own self-inflicted damage.