Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate

 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And he answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."   But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

- Matthew 19:1-12

In recent readings, Jesus has been instructing the disciples regarding conduct and leadership in the future Church (see readings from Wednesday and Thursday).  In yesterday's reading, we were told that Peter came to Jesus and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.  But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!'  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant!  I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.  So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And he answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."   My study bible says here that the basis of the Pharisees' test is Deuteronomy 24:1-4.  God's condescension -- God's allowance for human weakness -- does not override the original principle of permanent monogamous marriage as revealed in Genesis 1 and 2.  Jesus speaks with authority, and adds His own clear prohibition against divorce (see also Malachi 2:15-16).  In the ancient Church, the permissible reasons for divorce were expanded to include threat to a spouse's or child's life, and desertion.  But in all cases, the spiritual tragedy of such a situation was clearly acknowledged.

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."   But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."  My study bible notes here that Christ steers the disciples toward an understanding of the holiness of virginity.   This isn't a rejection of marriage, but rather a special calling for those to whom it has been given.  Eunuchs were men who had been castrated, either by birth defect, disease, or mutilation.  They were often employed until quite recent times to guard women of nobility.  But Jesus uses this term figuratively for those who freely choose celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.  (Consecrated virginity is not to be confused with self-mutilation, which was condemned at the First Ecumenical Council in 325.)  See also 1 Corinthians 7:7, 25-38.

We are given what is still difficult advice regarding marriage:  monogamy is preferable and the intention of marriage in the sight of God.  Divorce is an allowance for our own fallibility and, yes, sinfulness.   But marriage, in the traditional sight of the Church, is also a way to grow toward God-likeness, specially-made for our human imperfection.  In growing in love, in learning to love, we give of ourselves, we make sacrifices, we give up things our selfishness might rather hold onto -- and we grow in likeness to the graciousness of God.  This is a picture of marriage as sacrament, part of a holy mystery of the Church.  It allows for our imperfections, and a grace-permeated marriage is one in which love -- as something we are always growing into -- becomes the point.  If we look at the characteristic fruit of the Spirit given to us by St. Paul:  love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control -- we see that although he lists love first, they are all aspects of love.  We can learn kindness in a marriage and its importance in the ways in which we treat a partner.  Goodness becomes important in terms of what we cherish in one another, and what we bring to the union.  Joy is possible for us in realizing the blessings of love.  Peace can be what we find in a partner who loves us and wants what is best for us -- and in our own capacity for love of our partner.  Faithfulness is possible even where we acknowledge our imperfections, as love rejoins even brokenness when we make a mutual effort.  Gentleness and self-control are indispensable to learning how to make a marriage work.  Let us note that Jesus is speaking in a context where initiating divorce was only possible for men, and He is mainly addressing men here.  Therefore, what He calls hard-heartedness is an ill-consideration for women and their position in the context of His time; any way one looks at it, women were of lower social stature than men in a number of ways.  But this isn't a political speech:  it is a spiritual teaching, and it is all about love that transcends everything else and is given by God.  That the two shall become one flesh is a statement of total union.  Historically, the Church (especially in the Eastern Tradition) has come to see both marriage and celibacy in devotion to God as two ways to union and faith.  In both cases, a devotion to God, a growing likeness to our Creator, is the point, for love is of God (1 John 4:7).  Faith gives to marriage a particular dimension that works in mysterious ways to help us find those fruit noted by St. Paul, to overcome hardship, to share those difficulties, to sacrifice for love and all its blessings.  In all cases, it is Christ we turn to for help and guidance, and to create meaning and value for all.  Let us keep in mind St. Paul's word:  All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful (1 Corinthians 6:12, 10:23).  There is no condemnation here, but there is what is best for us.  Abuse can destroy what God puts together, a spiritual tragedy.  Let us understand what God gives to us.