Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate

 

 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."  

 

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."  But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it." 

 

- Matthew 19:1-12 

 

On Saturday we read that, after Jesus had given a formula for mutual correction and reconciliation in the Church, Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.  But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!'  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant!  I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.  So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

 

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." My study Bible explains that the basis of the test by these Pharisees is Deuteronomy 24:1-4.  God's condescension, or allowance for human weakness, my study Bible says, does not override the original principle of permanent monogamous marriage as revealed in Genesis 1 and 2.  With authority, Christ adds His own prohibition against divorce ("So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate"; "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery").  Additionally, my study Bible remarks that the permissible reasons for divorce in the ancient Church were expanded to include threat to a spouse's or child's life and desertion.  Clearly, although the original intent of marriage as eternal remains, and is therefore a sacrament in the Church, the marriage bond is one that can be destroyed by sin.  In all cases, however, the spiritual tragedy of such a situation must be acknowledged.  

 

 His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."  But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."  My study Bible comments here that Christ steers the disciples toward understanding the holiness of virginity, not as a rejection of marriage, but rather as a special calling for those to whom it has been given.  Eunuchs were men who had been castrated, whether by birth defect, disease, or mutilation, and were often employed to guard women of nobility.  Indeed, in empires of the past, eunuchs employed as such a class grew to wield great power.  But Jesus uses this term figuratively for those who freely choose lifelong celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, devoting themselves to the love of God.  This is a consecrated virginity which isn't to be confused with any form of self-mutilation, which was condemned by the Church at the First Ecumenical Council (AD 325). 

 

What is the value of marriage?   In terms of the Scriptures, the very first relationship established in the Bible between human beings is that of marriage.  It comes second only to the relationship between God and human beings and other creatures.  We should remember that marriage in a Biblical context is a relationship that is mediated by God (hence it is a sacrament in the Church).  It is not simply a union between human beings alone.  In Malachi 2:13-16, the prophet reports that God laments over the abandonment or forsaking of wives; God holds the husband accountable.  My study Bible comments on that passage that, among other things, it shows that marriage brings companionship; that is, an intimate relationship and partnership between spouses.   As such we can look at marriage as the true building block and foundation of community, of society.  Possibly we should say of the kind of society that we want to have.  This is because in a good marriage we have a model and foundation for the types of relationships we wish to spread in the society.  If we keep in mind that it is the Lord also who is a part of this marriage, who mediates marriage and whose reality of love we wish to permeate and grow within the marriage, then we must come to understand that it is the quality of the relationship that makes the great difference here.  We know what abuse causes; we understand that sin of various kinds can destroy a marriage relationship, and that this has been recognized historically by the Church.  But we also must come to see that love itself requires certain standards and norms.  Love is not simply blind devotion, and neither is it the acceptance of lies or falsehoods, abusive ideologies, or power hierarchies.  It is a mutual communion with God as part of that communion, and service to God as part of devotion.  That is, an understanding that we grow in learning this love, in understanding what is good for us and for other human beings.  Neither is marriage a kind of dumping ground for rage, anger, envy, and other kinds of harmful activities directed either at one another, other members of the family, or outward at other people.  For all of these things remain in the context of a marriage as sacrament, marriage as part of covenant with God, where the Lord is present, even as we have recently read Jesus say, "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20).  A truly good marriage is on the firm ground of Christ's teaching that all the Law and the Prophets hang on the two commandments to love God, and neighbor as oneself (Matthew 22:36-40).  We begin with the understanding that God is love (1 John 4:8), and therefore if God is the true foundation for marriage, then it is the practice and action of living love, of growing and learning in love, that forms the basis for the society we want, this basic first relationship found in marriage.  From there, we hope that the fruits of marriage, in fact, expand this living love, filling the need to grow in understanding of how to put love into action.  If we begin only with the basic idea that marriage is just two people forming relationship -- without the presence of God as we understand God as love -- then the purpose of marriage no longer holds that important place of separating abuse from love, harm from blessing.  It is within the context of loving communion, the foundation of God who is love, that marriage forms a basis for the whole world, for true community.  Let us consider the mystery of this sacrament.