For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh

 

Icon of Christ the Bridegroom, courtesy Wikimedia Commons

 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."  His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."   But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

 

- Matthew 19:1–12 

 

On Saturday we read that, after Christ gave the disciples a formula for Church discipline and mutual correction, Peter then came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted  to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.  But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!'  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant!  I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.  So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

 

  Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."  Here the Pharisees come to test Christ, and choose to test Him on the subject of divorce.  This was a hotly contested subject in this time, with debates between the Pharisees and other groups of the temple leadership, often focusing on abuses such as those with financial or economic incentives.  The basis of their test is Deuteronomy 24:1-4. My study Bible comments here that God's condescension, or allowance for human weakness, does not override the original principle of permanent monogamous marriage which is revealed in Genesis 1 and 2.  With authority, it says, Christ adds His own clear prohibition against divorce.  Essentially, He does so twice.  First, when He says, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate," and second, when He says, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."   My study Bible tells us that the possibility of divorce on the basis of sexual immorality shows that marriage, however, can be destroyed by sin.  On that basis divorce and a second marriage have historically been seen (according to the Orthodox Church) as a concession to human weakness and corrective measure of compassion when a marriage has been broken.  In the ancient Church, permissible reasons for divorce were expanded to include threat to a spouse's or child's life and desertion, but in all cases with acknowledgment to the spiritual tragedy of such a situation. 

 

 His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."   But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."  My study Bible says here that Christ steers the disciples toward understanding the holiness of virginity, not as a rejection of marriage, but in particular as a special calling for those to whom it has been given.  Eunuchs, extremely common in the ancient world, were men who had been castrated -- either by birth defect, disease, or mutilation.  They were often employed to guard women of nobility, and in many empires played extremely powerful roles.  Here, Jesus is using this term figuratively for those who freely choose committed celibacy for the kingdom of heaven.  My study Bible adds that this consecrated virginity is not to be confused with self-mutilation, which was condemned at the First Ecumenical Council of the Church (AD 325).  See also 1 Corinthians 7:7, 25-38.  

At first glance, one might consider that the two topics of Christ's discourse today -- marriage and virginity -- have nothing to do with one another.  Perhaps we might say they are opposites if our focus is on sexuality alone.  We might construe a choice for lifelong celibacy as a deliberate decision not to have a life partner, but rather to remain an individual without such a dedicated relationship.  But if we think about it, the two topics in today's do share something important and even essential.  In both cases of the person who chooses monogamous, and hopefully, lifelong -- even eternal -- marriage as well as the person choosing celibacy as one of the "eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake" actually share a very important common characteristic.  In both cases, we are speaking of the dedication of one's energy and purpose in life to something beyond oneself.  In the first case to a marriage partner, in the second to serving the Church.  Each case will involve sacrifice and devotion and loyalty, and in each case one must choose that devotion of self to another, to a purpose that has to do with something other than selfish interest.  There is an important icon of Christ in the Eastern Orthodox tradition that is called Christ the Bridegroom; in Greek ὁ Νυμφίος.  It is sometimes called after Pilate's words to the crowd about the prisoner Jesus, "Behold the Man!"  (John 19:5), or in Latin, "Ecce homo."   Clearly Christ is the Bridegroom of the Church.  But in the Church that icon of Christ the Bridegroom, prisoner dressed in mocking garb, with a crown of thorns upon His head, and hands bound, is a symbol for marriage.  This is not the symbol of the modern romantic ideal, or sweet hearts and flowers, and grand moments of soaring emotion.  It is the symbol of what it means to make a marriage work:  it's an engagement in mutual sacrifice, in giving of oneself for something beyond only oneself and only one's own happiness or joy.  It is the symbol of what it is for two to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), something forged through mutual love and self-giving.  It is a type of heroism upon which human beings and human flourishing relies.   In the context of Christ's teaching about eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, we should understand that the sacrament of marriage has often been called the layperson's way to holiness.  Just as a monastic will become a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven, in devotion to serving the Church and seeking theosis or union with God as one's highest calling, so marriage also calls us to grapple with and learn the rigors of self-giving.  Both in the case of marriage and in the case of the eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven whom Christ describes, He is speaking of what it means to be devoted in a kind of selfless love that asks of us sacrifices, giving, and eventual personal transformation for the sake of something greater.    This spirit of mutual giving is really an image of love.  Even a willingness to suffer for those whom we love, as did Christ, is something that calls us out of ourselves, and toward what it means to truly love.  So let us understand the image of Christ the Prisoner, the One who suffers for love.  For it is not to a romantic fantasy, but to the reality of what it really takes to know and live love, of how we might be called by God, both in marriage and in the Church, that we are called.  And it is indeed love that calls us there (1 John 4:8).