So then, they are no longer two but one flesh

 

 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.  And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.  The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"  And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."  

 

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."  But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

 

- Matthew 19:1–12 

 

Yesterday we read that after Jesus gave to the disciples a system for mutual correction and forgiveness in the Church (Matthew 18:15-17), Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.  But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!'  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison will he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant!  I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.  So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

 

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate."  They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"  He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."  My study Bible explains that the basis for the Pharisees' test of Christ here is Deuteronomy 24:1-4.  It says that God's condescension, or allowance, for human weakness, does not override the original principle of permanent monogamous marriage as revealed in Genesis 1; 2.  With authority, Jesus adds His own clear prohibition against divorce twice here (verses 6; 9).  In the ancient Church, the permissible reasons for divorce were expanded to include threat to a spouse's or child's life and desertion.  But in all cases, acknowledging the spiritual tragedy of such a situation. 

 

His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."  But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:  For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."  My study Bible comments that here Christ is steering the disciples toward understanding the holiness of virginity.  This is not a rejection of marriage, but rather evoked as a special calling for those to whom it has been given.  Eunuchs were men who had been castrated, whether by birth defect, disease, or mutilation.  They were often employed to guard women of nobility.  Here Jesus is using this term figuratively for those who freely choose lifelong celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.  This is a consecrated virginity.  It's not to be confused with self-mutilation, which was condemned at the First Ecumenical Council (AD 325).  See also 1 Corinthians 7:7; 25-38.

 

 Jesus speaks of marriage as an eternal state, a union of two people so strong that "the two become one flesh."  In Holy Matrimony we have a hope and spiritual help for us to realize and grow into such a relationship.  In a modern world in which so much emphasis is placed on what we are able to gather to ourselves, the nature of sacrifice as mutually beneficial is not often counseled or understood.  But to give up some things for our lives is often the best thing we can do.  This is obvious in the case of bad habits, such as over-consumption of foods which are not healthy for us, or the intake of drugs or other chemicals and substances (such as tobacco, for instance) which also are not healthy for us.  But in marriage (as is the case also in child-rearing), mutual sacrifice is asked of us for a truly monogamous state.  This is not simply forsaking all others.  This refers to the personal things we give up for marriage, as an institution or perhaps we should say living organism that needs our commitment and our nurturing.  This is true in the sense that if we are well-nourished, we're not just consuming everything in sight, but also restricting amounts and substances to be beneficial for our health.  And so it is with marriage.  Selfishness and self-centeredness within marriage leads to problems because both are foundations of sin.  And, importantly, relationships can be broken by sin, by abuse.  Just as we read recently of Christ's teaching for mutual correction and forgiveness in the Church, so it is with a marriage.  This includes both a need for honesty about abuse or sinful behavior that hurts another, as well as the practice of forgiveness.  Both together are needed, and both ask of us a kind of sacrifice in one way and another.  Marriage is not a fairy tale, it's not a meal-ticket, it's not meant for mere transactional behavior or orientation toward another person.  We are meant to grow toward one another, and to grow together.  With the Church as foundational to marriage, we have spiritual help and mercy to guide us in this endeavor, for marriage is an adventure of life, full of responsibilities, difficulties, dangers, joys, and most of all, love.  For we learn love in this way.  And love may be asked of us in all kinds of ways, from care and consideration for one another, to care for children, for elderly dependent parents, and a host of circumstances which may seem "unfair" but in reality are challenges to meet within that framework of give and take and growth together in love.  Let us note that Jesus also takes great care to address the unmarried, those who are celibate, and to assure all of us through His teaching that, particularly in the Church, there is a place for those persons too. All are necessary and beloved to Christ.  Let us give thanks for it all, and for the promises of love and growth, in Christ's way.