I do not know the Man!

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.” And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.” But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!” And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.” Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly.

-- Matthew 26:69-75

In yesterday’s reading, Jesus was taken away from the garden of Gethsemane and led to the house of the high priest. It is night, and an illegal trial gets underway. Outside, Peter has followed and sits in the courtyard with the servants of the high priest. Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none, even though many false witnesses came forward. Finally there are two who say that Jesus claimed He could destroy and rebuild the temple in three days. The high priest said to Jesus, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." The high priest tore his clothes and said they had no more need of testimony. He claimed they had all heard blasphemy from Jesus’ own lips. “What do you think?" he asked the Council. They answered and said, "He is deserving of death." Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ! Who is the one who struck You?"

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.” We remember, of course, Jesus’ prediction (which Peter recalls at the end of today’s reading). At that time, Peter had sworn, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" But here is the first denial, before a servant girl.

And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.” But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!” Here is the second denial, before another girl. Notice the details: Peter has gone out to the gateway. We begin to wonder, why did he follow Christ? The text tells us (in yesterday's reading) it was to see the end. This time, the denial is more vehement, with an oath.

And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.” Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” Peter becomes even more emphatic, this time with cursing and swearing. But his Galilean speech gives him away. He won't stand up to their questioning before this gathering of servants, and says he doesn't know Jesus at all.

Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly. My study bible says here: "What is the proper response after sinning severely? Peter wept bitterly, beginning a process of repentance, confession, forgiveness, reconciliation and renewal." It quotes from Psalm 51, verse 17: "A broken and contrite heart -- these, O God, You will not despise."

In Peter's failure to live up to his promise here, we can see so many things about ourselves, and about our relationship to Christ and its central importance to us. First of all, Peter's exuberant promise that he would even be willing to die with Christ takes us back to a frequent problem Peter expresses in the Gospels. Of ourselves alone and our emotions, we can hardly rely on our own strength. Faith gives us something more, we participate in the energies of grace that give us strength we didn't know we had, and a process that transforms the way of thinking we've learned from our own worldly experiences. Secondly, Peter doesn't really know himself that well. There's no doubt in his sincerity in declaring he would die with Christ, and yet he lets himself down so bitterly. At the time, though, and in the moments in which he's questioned -- three times in the courtyard as to whether or not he knew Christ -- he simply grew increasingly vehement, agitated, to the point of cursing and swearing that he didn't know the Man at all. As with Judas, we see a very human phenomenon: when we always think we're right, and we can't step back from our feelings, we just may be setting ourselves up for a fall. Our feelings can carry us away to a place where we don't really know where we are, or how far away from the mark of prudence and discernment we just might be straying. Again, without the relationship that keeps us in the right place, our emotions alone can carry us away to a place that's not good for us, nor good for others. Christ's great gift to us is in the things my study bible notes here: we're saved through a process of repentance and reconciliation. We might be very frail and have a lot to learn, despite what we think we can achieve through our own strengths. But we're always called back, when we come to our senses. And then it becomes a question of going back, to the One who loves us, and starting again. Life, I find, is a continuous process of such self-knowledge (and in my case, surely through failures!) and going back to the One who teaches me to just start over right where I am, in His care. How do you experience failure and disappointment with yourself? Who is the loving Person that sets you back on the right path? Through God's grace and the work of the Spirit, Peter will become not just a fearless preacher, but a great martyr as witness and leader of the Apostles. Where does God's love take you? When we understand what is happening to Jesus inside the home of the high priest, I can't imagine Peter's shame later. And yet, there was a plan for him, a great plan in which Peter was to play a remarkable role. Let us remember that excessive guilt and self-loathing are also a form of self-indulgence; it's God's love we need to accept and follow.