I do not know this Man of whom you speak!

 

 Now as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came.  And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, "You also were with Jesus of Nazareth."  But he denied it, saying, "I neither know nor understand what you are saying."  And he went out on the porch, and a rooster crowed.  And the servant girl saw him again, and began to say to those who stood by, "This is one of them."  But he denied it again.  And a little later those who stood by said to Peter again, "Surely you are one of them; for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it."  Then he began to curse and swear, "I do not know this Man of whom you speak!"  A second time the rooster crowed.  Then Peter called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him, "Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times."  And when he thought about it, he wept.

 

- Mark 14:66–72 

 

Yesterday we read that they led Jesus away to the high priest after seizing Him in the garden of Gethsemane; and with him were assembled all the chief priests, the elders, and the scribes.  But Peter followed Him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest.  And he sat with the servants and warmed himself at the fire.  Now the chief priests and all the council sought testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  For many bore false witness against Him, but their testimonies did not agree.  Then some rose up and bore false witness against Him, saying, "We heard Him say, 'I will destroy this temple made with hands, and within three days I will build another made without hands.'"  But not even then did their testimony agree.  And the high priest stood up in the midst and asked Jesus, saying, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But He kept silent and answered nothing.  Again the high priest asked Him, saying to Him, "Are You the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?"  Jesus said, "I am.  And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes and said, "What further need do we have of witnesses?  You have heard the blasphemy!  What do you think?"  And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death.  Then some began to spit on Him, and to blindfold Him, and to beat Him, and to say to Him, "Prophesy!"  And the officers struck Him with the palms of their hands.

 

  Now as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came.  And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, "You also were with Jesus of Nazareth."  But he denied it, saying, "I neither know nor understand what you are saying."   My study Bible comments that a girl being the first to test Peter is an icon of the temptation of Adam by Eve (Genesis 3:6).  It says that our fallen state is overcome in Christ when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Mark 16:1-11).  

 

 And he went out on the porch, and a rooster crowed.  And the servant girl saw him again, and began to say to those who stood by, "This is one of them."  But he denied it again.  And a little later those who stood by said to Peter again, "Surely you are one of them; for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it."  Then he began to curse and swear, "I do not know this Man of whom you speak!"  A second time the rooster crowed.  Then Peter called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him, "Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times."  And when he thought about it, he wept.   St. Peter is so overcome with fear that neither Christ's prediction of his denial (Mark 14:27-31), nor the first crowing of the rooster calls him to repentance.  But only the second time the rooster crowed called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him.  And when he thought about it, he wept.  My study Bible quotes commentary from St. Ambrose of Milan, saying that nonetheless, "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

 

 We all fail in our courage sometimes.  This is the man -- St. Peter -- whom tradition tells us requested to be crucified upside-down for fear of being considered equal with His Lord.  St. Peter also figures prominently in the Gospels as the one who so often speaks for the rest of the apostles, as he will also figure in the story of the early Church, after Christ's Ascension.  So, this same heroic, stalwart, strong, and courageous St. Peter is the man is today's story -- the one who cannot confess his faith in Christ in front of a servant girl.  To add insult to injury, as the expression goes, he's also the one who swore to Christ, after Jesus warned him that he would deny Him, "If I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" (See this reading.)  Neither should we forget that it is the same St. Peter to whom Jesus issued the unforgettable rebuke, "Get behind Me, Satan! For you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men" (see Mark 8:30-33).  So the life of this exemplary disciple (as one who more often than not might be called "first among equals") is filled with ups and downs, humiliating mistakes and failures, grand triumphs, total exuberance, a great and undoubted love of Christ, terrible heartache and fear, and finally the triumph of a martyr.  This is St. Peter.  But perhaps the best thing that St. Peter gives us is his love that is so strong it overcomes his shame and he returns to Christ and the rest of the disciples.  You see, it really seems that this is the great -- perhaps the greatest -- gift that St. Peter gives to us, to all of us, the rest of the Church, and for all time.  Because St. Peter shows us that, like the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), we can return to a loving Father, a loving Lord and Master, who does not lose His love for us because we make mistakes and err in our humanity, even multiple times.  It's to St. Peter that Jesus directed the admonition in the garden of Gethsemane, just before His betrayal and arrest, "Simon, are you sleeping? Could you not watch one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (see again Friday's reading).  And to St. Peter that Jesus said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren" (Luke 22:31).  We note Jesus' confidence that St. Peter would return, and indeed this man so afraid of a servant girl in today's reading would be the one to strengthen his brethren.  As human beings, like St. Peter, even with his great faith, we may go through our own tumult, fear, lack of courage, and insensibility on a number of occasions and for many reasons.  But we need to remember that our story in the Gospels contains all these facts about St. Peter for good reasons, because in him we find ourselves and our direction for our faith:  we return to Christ.  We always must return to Christ.  For we are meant to overcome even ourselves, to grow and gain courage and confidence in our faith, to strengthen one another, to find our deeper faith, and to move forward.  For it is this deepening of faith that is the true universal mark of discipleship:  we seek to grow toward God.  It matters not at all where we are right now, how well our faith and our strength and our courage is serving is or how poorly.  But what matters is our ongoing deepening understanding and growth of our faith, for our destiny is in Him, and that journey is meant to be infinite.  Let us take courage and know that we are meant for this journey.  Like St. Peter, our failures and even shame may become springboards to greater love and truth, and deeper faith in our future.  For he lived knowing that this story would be told of him -- even that he stood outside reduced to cursing and swearing that He did not know the Man while Jesus was on trial; and he died choosing also to serve the Lord in humility even in death.

 

 

 

 

Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So Peter went out and wept bitterly

 

Caravaggio, The Crucifixion of St. Peter.  Circa 1600, Cerasi Chapel, Santa Maria del Popolo, Rome

 Then Jesus said to the chief priests, captains of the temple, and the elders who had come to Him, "Have you come out, as against a robber, with swords and clubs?  When I was with you daily in the temple, you did not try to seize Me.  But this is your hour, and the power of darkness."

Having arrested Him, they led Him and brought Him into the high priest's house.  But Peter followed at a distance.  Now when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them.  And a certain servant girl, seeing him as he sat by the fire, looked intently at him and said, "This man was also with Him."  But he denied Him, saying, "Woman, I do not know Him."  And after a little while another saw him and said, "You also are of them."  But Peter said, "Man, I am not!"  Then after about an hour had passed, another confidently affirmed, saying, "Surely this fellow also was with Him, for he is a Galilean."  But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!"  Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.  And the Lord turned and looked at Peter.  Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So Peter went out and wept bitterly.

 

- Luke 22:52-62 

 

 Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed Him.  When He came to the place, He said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation."  And He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done."  Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.  And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly.  Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.  When He rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow.  Then He said to them, "Why do you sleep?  Rise and pray, lest you enter into temptation."  And while He was still speaking, behold, a multitude; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him.  But Jesus said to him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"  When those around Him saw what was going to happen, they said to Him, "Lord, shall we strike with the sword?"  And one of them struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his right ear.  But Jesus answered and said, "Permit even this."  And He touched his ear and healed him.  

 

  Then Jesus said to the chief priests, captains of the temple, and the elders who had come to Him, "Have you come out, as against a robber, with swords and clubs?  When I was with you daily in the temple, you did not try to seize Me.  But this is your hour, and the power of darkness."  Especially in John's Gospel, we get images of light corresponding to Christ, to God, and to the power of God working within and through human beings.  Darkness here is symbolic of all that rejects that light.  My study Bible refers us to Christ's words to Nicodemus:  "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God" (John 3:19-21).

Having arrested Him, they led Him and brought Him into the high priest's house.  But Peter followed at a distance.  Now when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them.  And a certain servant girl, seeing him as he sat by the fire, looked intently at him and said, "This man was also with Him."  But he denied Him, saying, "Woman, I do not know Him."  And after a little while another saw him and said, "You also are of them."  But Peter said, "Man, I am not!"  Then after about an hour had passed, another confidently affirmed, saying, "Surely this fellow also was with Him, for he is a Galilean."  But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!"  My study Bible comments here that a girl being the first to test Peter is an icon of the temptation of Adam by Eve (Genesis 3:6).  It notes that our fallen state is overcome in Christ when women are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Luke 24:1-10).  

Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.  And the Lord turned and looked at Peter.  Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So Peter went out and wept bitterly.  My study Bible notes that Peter is so overcome with fear that neither the prediction of Jesus at the Last Supper (Luke 22:34) nor the crowing of the rooster calls him to repentance.  Only the gaze of the Lord causes him to weep bitterly.  Nonetheless, comments St. Ambrose of Milan, "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

If we take St. Ambrose's commentary seriously, we understand him to be saying something profound about human tears.  It is frequently asserted within Orthodox spiritually and the monastic tradition that tears are the surest sign of repentance.  No doubt this is drawn at least partially from this memorable example of St. Peter and his bitter tears.  But psychologically, we can also understand something deeper about the nature of tears and the state of our being:  tears frequently are a sign of truth being told.  Often, in popular culture, one may see a recording of a person purporting to confess repentance for something, and people will point out that they see no tears, even though one may see what is meant to be understood as crying.  Moreover, even if it is not a personal sin being repented, but a recollection of something true that happened which gave birth to some form of trauma, or a difficult truth is being faced and told, tears will also make their appearance -- giving once again witness to truth.  There are times when tears will accompany a recognition of great joy, overwhelming beauty, or transformational change for which we are deeply grateful.  In each case, the tears form themselves as involuntary witnesses to truth being recognized.  In the Eastern Orthodox tradition, prayer ropes are used for the repetition of the Jesus Prayer.  These will frequently have tassels attached to them; it is said that the tassel is for the wiping away of the tears of repentance.   But let us focus on St. Peter and his bitter tears of repentance, for these are the way that St. Peter has come to terms with himself, and with his own failing as he has come to know it.  To understand it truly, we have to reread Luke 22:31-34, the verses that tell us about his interaction with Jesus.  Jesus first warned Peter -- on behalf of all of the disciples -- that Satan wanted to "sift" them "as wheat."  But He said to Peter, "I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."  Peter's response was to declare to Jesus, "Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death."  In today's reading, Peter comes to recognize not simply his failure to live up to these words, but his own unawareness of himself and his own weaknesses.  Far from this image he no doubt had of himself at the time, in this experience he is defeated even by the gaze of a servant girl, and denies being a follower of Christ three times.  The bitterness of the tears is the truth of his recognition of himself, including the weakness Christ fully recognized when He admonished all of the disciples -- and particularly Peter -- to pray so as not to fall into temptation.  The truth we are given here in the Gospel of Luke, however, is not just about Peter, but about all of us.  How often do we disappoint ourselves with weakness?  How do we come to terms with the recognition of our own sad failings, even as we wish -- and even if we believe -- we are different?  Our faith does not task us with the impossible, but serves us here in the Gospel and elsewhere where this story is recounted the truth about who we are as human beings, and about those who would go on to become truly great in their full service to Christ.   Ultimately, we do not know the full history of St. Peter's life.  In one apocryphal tradition, the story of St. Peter's death is one of crucifixion -- and in his humility, asking to be crucified upside down, not considering himself worthy of being crucified in the same manner as Christ.  In this understanding, the man who bragged and failed had become humble indeed, and fully heroic in his humility.  It is a teaching for us all in the image of this man who would become a leader among the disciples, that it is ultimately his repentance and humility which made him great.  At the Last Supper, Jesus taught the disciples that "he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves" (Luke 22:26).  At the end of John's Gospel, Jesus prophesies Peter's eventual death by first telling him, "Feed My Sheep.  Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish," adding, "Follow Me" (John 21:17-19).  In today's reading, Peter's bitter tears teach us about this lesson learned, and it is one for each of us.

 

 

 

 

And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly

 

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"   Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

 

- Matthew 26:69-75 

 

Yesterday we read that those who had laid hold of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane led Him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.  But Peter followed Him at a distance to the high priest's courtyard.  And he went in and sat with the servants to see the end.  Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none.  But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.'"  And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But Jesus kept silent.  And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God:  Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!"  Jesus said to him, "It is as you said.  Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy!  What further need do we have of witnesses?  Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!  What do you think?"  They answered and said, "He is deserving of death."  Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ!  Who is the one who struck You?"

 

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  My study Bible comments that a girl being the first to test Peter is an icon of the temptation of Adam by Eve in Genesis 3:6.  It says that our fallen state is overcome in Christ when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Luke 24:1-10).  

And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"   Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  My study Bible comments that in this scenario in the courtyard, Peter is so overcome with fear that Christ's earlier prediction (see Matthew 26:31-35, especially verse 34) does nothing to make him aware of what he is doing until he hears the crowing of the rooster, and he remembers Christ's word.  In St. Luke's version of these events, it is only the gaze of Christ that calls Peter back to remembrance (Luke 22:61-62).  His remembrance causes him to weep bitterly.  St. Ambrose of Milan comments that nevertheless, "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

Peter weeps, purging his sin in true repentance, and realizing the truth of what he had done.  We recall his words to Christ on the night Christ predicted all the disciples would be made to stumble because of Him:   "Even if all are made to stumble because of You, I will never be made to stumble," and "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" (Matthew 26:33, 35).  These declarations, although vehement, in the end did nothing to prevent just such a scenario from happening.  Peter's own weakness is on display to himself, his denial plainly a denial of his own vulnerability and fears, and thus he weeps bitterly at having realized what he's done.  But Peter is our picture of courage and strength nonetheless.  He is a leader among the apostles.  We know his weaknesses and his exuberance.  In John's Gospel, Peter first declares to Jesus at the Last Supper, "You shall never wash my feet!"  But when Jesus tells him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me," Peter changes altogether, and demands, "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!" (John 13:3-9).  When Jesus first predicts His own death, Peter declares, "Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!"  We understand Peter's denials in this case, but it simply leads to a stunning rebuke by Jesus:  "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men" (see Matthew 16:21-23).  In the end of John's Gospel, Peter is directed by Jesus what he should do, and even given a preview of his courageous death.  But then he goes on to ask what the beloved disciple, John, must do, saying, "But Lord, what about this man?"  Jesus answers him by asking, "What is that to you?  You follow Me"  (see John 21:15-25).  In so many examples in the Gospels, Peter is the one, although a leader among the Twelve, and certainly a leader to come after Christ's death, who shows the weaknesses of human beings, our fallibilities, the one who stumbles through exuberance and emotion.  And yet, Peter is the one who comes to terms with his own failure in humility, recognizing how he has stumbled and disappointed himself.   In Peter we find both greatness and humility, the capacity for leadership of the fledgling Church that would soon spread to the entire known world, and yet the humility to be corrected.  And perhaps it is just this humility that gave Peter his greatest strength, for he is the one who could endure a rebuke of Christ and persist, and remain true to his calling despite Christ's prediction of Peter's own death by crucifixion (John 21:18-19).  I can speak for no one but myself, but I would venture to say that many (if not all) of us have parts of ourselves of which we're ashamed or embarrassed, aspects of weakness and vulnerability we'd not care to see nor to admit.  But Peter's strength is in acceptance of this truth about himself, even if accompanied by bitter tears.  For it enables him repeatedly to return to Christ, to find correction in repentance, to carry on and to manifest his position as leader in the early Church, "first among equals."  Let us find also his courage and humility, and his capacity for turning back to Christ, for it is a saving grace, the strength that restores us to our proper relation to Christ when we've stumbled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly

Rembrandt van Rijn. The Denial of Peter. 1660, Rijksmuseum Amsterdam

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

- Matthew 26:69-75

Yesterday we read that those who had laid hold of Jesus led Him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.  But Peter followed Him at a distance to the high priest's courtyard.  And he went in and sat with the servants to see the end.  Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none.  But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.'"  And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But Jesus kept silent.  And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God:  Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!"  Jesus said to him, "It is as you said.  Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy!  What further need do we have of witnesses?  Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!  What do you think?"  They answered and said, "He is deserving of death."  Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ!  Who is the one who struck You?"

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  My study bible remarks that as it is a girl who is the first to test Peter, this is an icon of the temptation of Adam by Eve (Genesis 3:6).  In yet another powerful impact of this time of evil, our fallen state is overcome in Christ when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Luke 24:1-10).

And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  Until the rooster crowed, Peter was so overcome with fear that he had forgotten Christ's prediction of his denial (Matthew 26:31-35).   In Luke's Gospel, it is not even the rooster's crow but only the gaze of Christ that causes Peter to weep bitterly in repentance (Luke 22:60-61).  Nonetheless, St. Ambrose of Milan comments that "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

What happens when we let ourselves down, or when our own cowardice becomes a source of regret and shame?  St. Peter displays for us this scene of deep regret, crying bitter tears over his own denial of Christ.  It must be made all the worse for Peter's memory of objecting directly to Jesus after the prophesy He made concerning Peter's denial, when Jesus told Peter, "Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times" (26:35).  And then Peter replied to Him, "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" (26:36).  It is one thing to let oneself down, to let a loved one down, even to let down one's friends.  But Peter's denial and failure come in such a spectacular way, despite his most vehement declaration in directly contradicting Christ and His prophecy -- and it happens due to fear at the question of a servant girl.  Perhaps, and I would say most assuredly it is so, Peter's rather spectacular failure and shame is given to us in the Gospels for a very good reason.  How can we possibly understand our own lives if we are not given such examples?  Who among us can declare ourselves free of the same type of spectacular failures, albeit on a much less renowned level?  In the Gospels, Peter's great failure here is declared to the world, and continues to be declared to the world, but for a very good and perfect reason.  It is so that we, ourselves understand our lives in terms of our own failures, embarrassments, and shame.  Peter, the great leader of and speaker for all of the apostles, goes before us on a road of humility and of love.  Humility, because we all need to come to terms with ourselves and our own failure to live up to our expectations of ourselves.  And love, because Peter is welcomed back with love by Christ quite specifically.  The angel at the tomb, in giving the myrrh-bearing women the great news of Resurrection, says to them, "But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you."  And in Jesus' last appearance to him, Jesus specifically calls Peter to the task ahead of feeding His lambs (John 21:15-19), but first asking, "Do you love Me?"  What we understand through Peter's disappointment and crushing failure to live up to his own declaration of loyalty to Christ, is that via repentance, there is always room in this fold for one who is willing to put their hand to the plow, and follow Him.  Our worst letdowns, our most embarrassing and humiliating failures, are in the end, all fodder for the proper teachings of Christ.  In this journey of faith, there is nothing in our lives that will be left out.  There is nothing within us that cannot be used, transformed, repented, and especially challenging us to "get over ourselves," and come to the place of humility that all truly great service starts with.  We cannot possibly know how spectacularly we can be redeemed until we reckon with our own shortcomings (especially in our own eyes) within the love and care of Christ.  It is perhaps the times of our greatest humiliation that can, in fact, serve as the most powerful stepping stones for growth and transcendence in Christ's work within us.  For it is at that place where we realize that it is the "praise of God" that matters, the direction we're offered through divine love, and not the "praise of men."  It is in that crucible where we find our real identity rests in the Word who spoke us into existence in the first place.  That is where our life begins, and it is also the place to which we repeatedly return, particularly in repentance and in the depth of prayer.  Jesus goes to the Cross, a place of the most humiliating punishment, ridicule, and rejection.  But He shows us the way through our own times of personal failure, just as Peter will become an apostle who will indeed "die with Christ" rather than deny Him at the end of his life in this world, as Christ prophesies (John 21:18-19).  It is the power of the Cross that takes our worst experiences, and rebuilds our lives in Christ's hands, for service, and for the life of the world.  In this way, we might also enter into the those who have labored before us.

I do not know this Man of whom you speak!

Now as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came.  And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, "You also were with Jesus of Nazareth."  But he denied it, saying, "I neither know nor understand what you are saying."  And he went on the porch, and a rooster crowed.  And the servant girl saw him again, and began to say to those who stood by, "This is one of them."  But he denied it again.  And a little later those who stood by said to Peter again, "Surely you are one of them; for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it."  Then he began to curse and swear, "I do not know this Man of whom you speak!"  A second time the rooster crowed.  Then Peter called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him, "Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times."  And when he thought about it, he wept.

- Mark 14:66-72

Yesterday we read that those who seized Jesus led Him away to the high priest; and with him were assembled all the chief priests, the elders, and the scribes.  But Peter followed Him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest.  And he sat with the servants and warmed himself at the fire.  Now the chief priests and all the council sought testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  For many bore false witness against Him, but their testimonies did not agree.  Then some rose up and bore false witness against Him, saying, "We heard Him say, 'I will destroy this temple made with hands, and within three days I will build another made without hands.' "  But not even then did their testimony agree.  And the high priest stood up in the midst and asked Jesus, saying, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But He kept silent and answered nothing.  Again the high priest asked Him, saying to Him, "Are You the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?"  Jesus said, "I am.  And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes and said, "What further need do we have of witnesses?  You have heard the blasphemy!  What do you think?"  And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death.  Then some began to spit on Him, and to blindfold Him, and to beat Him, and to say to Him, "Prophesy!"  And the officers struck Him with the palms of their hands.

Now as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came.  And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, "You also were with Jesus of Nazareth."  But he denied it, saying, "I neither know nor understand what you are saying."  And he went on the porch, and a rooster crowed.  And the servant girl saw him again, and began to say to those who stood by, "This is one of them."  But he denied it again.  And a little later those who stood by said to Peter again, "Surely you are one of them; for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it."  Then he began to curse and swear, "I do not know this Man of whom you speak!"   My study bible comments on the fact that a girl is the first to test Peter:  it is an icon of the temptation of Adam by Eve (Genesis 3:6).  Our fallen state, it notes, is overcome in Christ when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Luke 24:1-10).  We notice how Peter's fear escalates to the point where he began to curse and swear that he did not know Jesus.  This happens particularly after the servant girl identifies him as a Galilean, by his accent and dialect.

A second time the rooster crowed.  Then Peter called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him, "Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times."  And when he thought about it, he wept.  Peter's fear was so strong that neither Christ's warning nor the first crowing of the rooster called him to repentance, but only after the second time the rooster crowed did he recall Christ's prophecy to him (see this reading).  In Luke's Gospel, it is Jesus' gaze, apparently from within the home of the high priest while Peter is outside in the courtyard, that calls him to awareness (Luke 22:60-62).  In his sudden consciousness of what had transpired, Peter wept.  St. Ambrose of Milan comments that nonetheless, "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

Once again, the Gospels give us a humiliating, cowardly moment in the life of one of the disciples.  And this isn't just any disciple; it is Peter, their ostensible leader and the one who speaks so often for all of the twelve.  And yet this story appears for each of us, and is present in all four Gospels.  What does it mean that the Church includes this in its life for all the faithful?  We don't get a sugar-coated story, meant only to please our ears nor simply to flatter the images of those who are the founders and pillars of the Church.  Peter got his very name from Christ, who pronounces him Cephas, (in Aramaic), or Peter, from the Greek petros, meaning stone - see John 1:42.  In Matthew's Gospel, it is Peter's confession of faith that Jesus is the Christ which prompts Jesus to pronounce that "on this rock I will build my Church" (see Matthew 16:15-19).  From the traditional Orthodox perspective, this pronunciation applies to the faith that Jesus is the Christ, and Peter speaks for all the disciples.  But nevertheless, it remains Peter who did so.  So this image of Peter the coward, the one who is afraid to tell the servant girl he was a follower of Christ, becomes something quite contradictory to the Peter that we know as leader and spokesman, and who would go on to become the powerful apostle and pillar of the Church.  Let us consider why this story is here, for all of us.  It is so important and crucial to our faith to understand that our faith is all about a wholistic journey of the self, toward an identity and meaning that strengthens us and helps us to grow as human beings.  It is within that realm of the faith of Peter's confession that Jesus is the Christ in which we are able to participate in His life through grace -- a synergistic realm of God and human beings which works through faith and grace.  This Peter who denies Christ three times after swearing he was willing to die with Him is the same Peter whom tradition tells us requested to be martyred upside down, as he was unworthy to be crucified in the same manner in which Jesus was, an act of courage and humility that goes beyond normal understanding.  It is this same impulsive Peter who blurts out something rather insensible at the Transfiguration, and who earlier swore he would die with Jesus before denying Him, and yet who spoke first to confess that Jesus was the Christ.  Our faith gives us what it is to be all too human, with all our failings and disappointments -- even this scene in today's reading which must have been simply humiliating for Peter to recall -- and couches it within the story of what it is to struggle with faith and come to victory.  Peter's salvation from this moment comes when he rejoins the apostles and returns to Christ, still one of the twelve -- a sign of repentance and that his tears are cleansing and life-changing.  We may view this in contrast with the remorse or regret of Judas (as opposed to repentance, true change in humility), which does not lead to his return to the apostles nor to his salvation (see Matthew 27:3-5).  Our faith is not a process of simple reward and punishment, but works through the positive encouragement of repentance, a return to Christ for resurrection and renewal after our failures.   This is why humility remains the keystone and foundation of all virtue, because we must see ourselves in process of an approach to Christ, a sense of trial and error, always learning, getting back upon that road, facing ourselves and our failures and putting them properly into perspective through our participation in the Cross, in both carrying our own cross and living with Him in the Resurrection.  This is our journey!  Let us be grateful for its truth in all things, even our most shameful moments, which may be shared with Him for His direction and faith.  For our God is a God of love.

Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

- Matthew 26:69-75

Yesterday we read that those who had seized Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane led Him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.  But Peter followed Him at a distance to the high priest's courtyard.  And he went in and sat with the servants to see the end.  Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none.  But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.'"  And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But Jesus kept silent.  And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God:  Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!"  Jesus said to him, "It is as you said.  Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy!  What further need do we have of witnesses?  Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!  What do you think?"  They answered and said, "He is deserving of death."  Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ!  Who is the one who struck You?" 

  Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  My study bible comments that there is an echo or an icon here of Adam's temptation by Eve (Genesis 3:6), as a girl is the first to test Peter in this scene.  This fallen state is overcome when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection (Luke 24:1-10).

And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  Peter's speech betrays him as he speaks with the accent of a Galilean, like Christ.  In this reading, Jesus prophesied Peter's denial of Him this night, in the midst of Peter's vehement denials.  When the rooster crowed, Peter came to himself, and went out and wept bitterly.  My study bible quotes St. Ambrose of Milan, who wrote that "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

The rooster's crow is truly a "wake up call" for Peter.  It is a time when he comes to himself, understands himself, wakes up to himself -- and realizes Christ's prophesy as correct.  Tears are signs of truth, one that is faced and transformed through recognition, grappled with.  Peter's not only realizing that what Christ said about his own weakness was correct, but that Peter's grand understanding of his capacity for heroism was wrong.  He capitulates in front of a servant girl.  We can hardly blame Peter entirely for the terror of this night.  He is the one who drew the sword to defend Christ in the garden (identified in John 18:10), whereby Jesus told him, "Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword," and assuring him that if He desired, the Father would defend Him with legions of angels.   It seems that Peter simply cannot grasp what is happening.  He is, after all, the one who insisted that Christ will not die, to which Christ responded, "Get behind Me, Satan!" (16:22-23).  Through this experience, Peter must come to terms with several different things, and it's illustrative of our own transformative processes that may take place within our faith.  First, there is his own weakness, despite his declaration to Jesus that "even if all are made to stumble because of You, I will never be made to stumble."  And, after Jesus' prophesy that Peter would deny Him three times before the rooster crows, Peter said,  "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" (see this reading).   He has a faith in himself that comes from not knowing his own human weakness.  Secondly, he doubts even the prophecy of Christ regarding his own vulnerability.  Finally, there are the bitter tears of recognition and truth -- and the repentance that comes with them.  It's very important that we take all of these things in the context of our own journeys of faith, and the process of salvation.  We're not simply fully healed in a flash, we don't come to the fullness of union and salvation automatically, and there is really no bypassing all the steps in this process of coming to reconcile ourselves not only with Christ and His vision for us, but the recognition of our own weaknesses and things that need changing along the way.  Peter trusted in himself that he surely would never let Christ down, and when it comes time for his own death, so it will be a sacrificial, humble, and heroic one.  But in this circumstance in today's reading, there is so much more that he must learn, and endure, and grow through along the way to becoming the powerful leader among the apostles that he will become.  Thus, Peter remains such an important example of those among whom we choose to grow in our own faith, whose own experience must inform us about the powerful healing journey of faith.  There are sometimes heartbreaking truths we must accept, sometimes things we won't be able to control and things that will go the opposite way of what we think it perfect and right.  Humility can be an exceptionally tough lesson to learn.  But through it all, we have our own tears of recognition and reconciliation and acceptance -- and our own way to grow through such experiences and the fullness of who we are and can become in Christ's love.  We will all make mistakes along the way.  Let us be truly thankful that the love of God sees us through all of our own stumbling, blindness, shortcomings, through the gift of faith.

Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

- Matthew 26:69-75

 In our current readings, it is Holy Week, and Jesus is in Jerusalem.  After the Passover meal at which Jesus instituted the Eucharist, Jesus and the disciples went to the garden of Gethsemane, where He was arrested by an armed crowd sent by the chief priests and elders, as He was betrayed by Judas.   And those who had laid hold of Jesus led Him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.  But Peter followed Him at a distance to the high priest's courtyard.  And he went in and sat with the servants to see the end.  Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none.  But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.'"  And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But Jesus kept silent.  And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God:  Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!"  Jesus said to him, "It is as you said.  Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy!  What further need do we have of witnesses?  Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!  What do you think?"  They answered and said, "He is deserving of death."  Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ!  Who is the one who struck You?"

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  Peter's denial of Christ three times comes as the fulfillment of Christ's prophecy of the night before, at the Last Supper, after which Peter vehemently insisted that he would follow Christ even unto death before doing so (see Saturday's reading).  But here in the courtyard of the high priest, in the dark hours of very early morning, and while Christ is on trial, Peter denies Christ, first after a servant girl identifies him as one who was with Him.  Some interpretations of this story understand Peter's testing as deeply allegorical, with the servant girl representing the temptation of Eve to Adam (Genesis 3:6).  He denies Christ before those gathered there in the courtyard, perhaps representing the various forces that seek to deny Christ.  He goes out to the gateway, and another servant girl identifies him as a follower of Christ.  He denies more deeply, and with an oath this time.  Then in front of the others there, who cite his accent as one from Galilee,  Peter's denial is even more vehement, bringing curses upon himself, and immediately a rooster crowed, bringing remembrance to Peter of Jesus' word to him.  In Luke's Gospel, we're told that Jesus gazed at him (Luke 22:61).  My study bible cites Ambrose of Milan, who comments on Peter's bitter tears, that "through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."  Origen notes that the tears come once Peter is outside of the courtyard, and as dawn breaks -- symbolically away from the forces of denial and in the place where light begins to shine.  

My study bible notes the testing of Peter coming via the servant girls in contrast with the renewal of life that will come when it is women who are the first to "hear, believe, and proclaim" the good news of Resurrection at the tomb.  What is important is the recognition of the difficulties of faith within a context of a familiar culture in which there are all kinds of temptations to be in denial of what we know spiritually.  Denial can come in all sorts of forms, some of them entirely innocuous in their "normalcy."  We do our every day tasks, and assume that life is separated between the spiritual and the "realistic" needs of day-to-day life.  But if we really look hard at the Gospels, we see that this isn't really meant to be the case.  The disciples spend all their time with Christ.  Every decision Jesus makes is prefaced by prayer, many times in withdrawal Himself even from the disciples.  We should be used to the idea that the "remembrance of God" isn't just reserved for special days, or for when we're in Church, but rather our days should be punctuated with time for prayer.  A silent prayer can be said at any time.  In fact, traditional practices, such as the Jesus prayer, are meant to be used all day, and during any kind of task.  This type of prayer uses a phrase that is repeated to oneself during tasks and daily work, and also in periods of contemplative devoted prayer.  The prayer takes different forms, but all are based on the phrase, "Lord have mercy."  An important component of this prayer when practiced is time put aside for prayer is silence:  there are periods when the silence is full, a communion.  But the phrase itself is ideal for repeating at any and all times.  Just as the disciples spent full-time with Christ, our prayer takes shape during any moment of our lives, and we don't have to separate out time into different parts:  one for spirit, one for body, one for soul, another for the mind.  Instead, we understand ourselves as integrated, with wholeness an image of the fullness of what it means to be a person.  In the words of the commandment to love God (what Jesus calls the first great commandment), we use "heart, soul, mind, and strength."  Peter's denial teaches us of the difficulties we face as part of our daily lives, when the pull of what is "normal" or habitual in a setting of society, culture, or other environment may draw us away from the inner truth we know for ourselves.  All traditional forms of worship and spiritual practice center around shoring up the strength of faith, and it is grace that is the great Helper we call upon because this is, indeed, the world we are born into.  There are all kinds of ways that we would deny Christ, whether that is to engage thoughtlessly in self-destructive practices, or forms of common behavior (such as gossip) that do harm to others and thereby our own souls, or to just "go along to get along."  Peter's emotional commitment to Christ that he would never deny Him, even if it meant death, gives us all a wake-up call, a warning, about the difficulties of spiritual life and struggle.  We can't simply depend upon our own emotional strength.  Life's temptations are unexpectedly difficult.  Particular environments and conditions can swamp us in ways we don't necessarily see or are prepared for.  We rely on mercy and grace, and we need to be aware of our own vulnerability.  Let us remember, also, Peter's bitter tears of repentance that "wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."   Peter will return to the disciples and to Christ, and become the apostle we know him to be.  Our lives are meant to be understood in terms of a journey that may be filled with struggles and tests we don't expect, coupled with mercy and love and joy.  Most important is the love and mercy which helps us to understand our weakness and difficulties, so that we may become strong.

He went out and wept bitterly

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.

- Matthew 26:69-75

Yesterday, we read that those who had laid hold of Jesus led Him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.  But Peter followed Him at a distance to the high priest's courtyard.  And he went in and sat with the servants to see the end.  Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.  Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none.  But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.'"  And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing?  What is it these men testify against You?"  But Jesus kept silent.  And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God:  Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!"  Jesus said to him, "It is as you said.  Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy!  What further need do we have of witnesses?  Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!  What do you think?"  They answered and said, "He is deserving of death."  Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ!  Who is the one who struck You?"

 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard.  And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee."  My study bible points out that at this crucial time, this episode is a "type", an icon or image of Eve coming to Adam with temptation (Genesis 3:6).  This time, it is Peter who is tempted to deny Christ, something he swore he would never do.  In Christ, this picture or icon is overcome (as an icon of our fallen state) when it is women who are the first to hear, believe, and proclaim the Resurrection.

 But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying."  And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth."  But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!"  And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you are also one of them, for your speech betrays you."  Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!"  Immediately a rooster crowed.  And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times."  So he went out and wept bitterly.  My study bible quotes Ambrose of Milan:  "Through tears, what cannot be defended can be purged, for tears wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."

What does it mean to face our own immaturity, unpreparedness, or lack of something to rise to an occasion the way we would like to?  In this case, Peter isn't just lacking something.  In fact, he's going against his word, and in effect, betraying Christ.  His denial of Christ was fully predicted to him by Jesus -- and yet, Peter still failed to be the person he wanted to be.  We see so much failure at these stages in the Gospel.  There is the "failure" of Judas to be a loyal disciple, even though hand-picked by Christ.  (See John 6:70.)   There is the "failure" of Jesus' ministry in the eyes of the world as He is railroaded with a phony trial and false witnesses, and declared worthy of death by the Sanhedrin.  As the disciples scatter, there is the "failure" of this movement to stand together.  There is so much "failure" here from a worldly perspective.  But life in abundance doesn't know failure.  Resurrection does not know failure.  Even in Peter's tears of repentance and recognition of his failure, there is Resurrection.  There is the power of what St. Ambrose says purges "that which cannot be defended" -- to "wash away the offense which is shameful to confess out loud."  Every part of this ministry is a success because of the life it has brought into the world, a renewal, even in an act of bitter tears.  God's love redeems everything.  And this is really important to remember in every one of our failures.  A relationship dies from neglect, we recognize something we've done that hurt another, or let ourselves down.  It just doesn't matter what the failure.  It could be a job, an investment, perhaps we spend our lives racked with guilt for something we couldn't change.  Whatever it is, the real perspective of Christ turns it around, just as the image of women being the first to spread the word of Resurrection changed completely the image of the woman holding an apple in the Garden.  Christ's ministry doesn't know failure, wherever we are and whatever has happened.  One's life is still one's life and that is material enough for the power of Resurrection, inside of any kind of prison, self-imposed or otherwise, even past our fears, and failures.  Let us remember this power that is always making all things new, no matter what we suffer through, how we disappoint ourselves or are disappointed in the world.  The renewal remains with us, in Him.

I do not know the Man!

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.” And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.” But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!” And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.” Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly.

-- Matthew 26:69-75

In yesterday’s reading, Jesus was taken away from the garden of Gethsemane and led to the house of the high priest. It is night, and an illegal trial gets underway. Outside, Peter has followed and sits in the courtyard with the servants of the high priest. Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none, even though many false witnesses came forward. Finally there are two who say that Jesus claimed He could destroy and rebuild the temple in three days. The high priest said to Jesus, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." The high priest tore his clothes and said they had no more need of testimony. He claimed they had all heard blasphemy from Jesus’ own lips. “What do you think?" he asked the Council. They answered and said, "He is deserving of death." Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ! Who is the one who struck You?"

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.” We remember, of course, Jesus’ prediction (which Peter recalls at the end of today’s reading). At that time, Peter had sworn, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" But here is the first denial, before a servant girl.

And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.” But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!” Here is the second denial, before another girl. Notice the details: Peter has gone out to the gateway. We begin to wonder, why did he follow Christ? The text tells us (in yesterday's reading) it was to see the end. This time, the denial is more vehement, with an oath.

And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.” Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” Peter becomes even more emphatic, this time with cursing and swearing. But his Galilean speech gives him away. He won't stand up to their questioning before this gathering of servants, and says he doesn't know Jesus at all.

Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly. My study bible says here: "What is the proper response after sinning severely? Peter wept bitterly, beginning a process of repentance, confession, forgiveness, reconciliation and renewal." It quotes from Psalm 51, verse 17: "A broken and contrite heart -- these, O God, You will not despise."

In Peter's failure to live up to his promise here, we can see so many things about ourselves, and about our relationship to Christ and its central importance to us. First of all, Peter's exuberant promise that he would even be willing to die with Christ takes us back to a frequent problem Peter expresses in the Gospels. Of ourselves alone and our emotions, we can hardly rely on our own strength. Faith gives us something more, we participate in the energies of grace that give us strength we didn't know we had, and a process that transforms the way of thinking we've learned from our own worldly experiences. Secondly, Peter doesn't really know himself that well. There's no doubt in his sincerity in declaring he would die with Christ, and yet he lets himself down so bitterly. At the time, though, and in the moments in which he's questioned -- three times in the courtyard as to whether or not he knew Christ -- he simply grew increasingly vehement, agitated, to the point of cursing and swearing that he didn't know the Man at all. As with Judas, we see a very human phenomenon: when we always think we're right, and we can't step back from our feelings, we just may be setting ourselves up for a fall. Our feelings can carry us away to a place where we don't really know where we are, or how far away from the mark of prudence and discernment we just might be straying. Again, without the relationship that keeps us in the right place, our emotions alone can carry us away to a place that's not good for us, nor good for others. Christ's great gift to us is in the things my study bible notes here: we're saved through a process of repentance and reconciliation. We might be very frail and have a lot to learn, despite what we think we can achieve through our own strengths. But we're always called back, when we come to our senses. And then it becomes a question of going back, to the One who loves us, and starting again. Life, I find, is a continuous process of such self-knowledge (and in my case, surely through failures!) and going back to the One who teaches me to just start over right where I am, in His care. How do you experience failure and disappointment with yourself? Who is the loving Person that sets you back on the right path? Through God's grace and the work of the Spirit, Peter will become not just a fearless preacher, but a great martyr as witness and leader of the Apostles. Where does God's love take you? When we understand what is happening to Jesus inside the home of the high priest, I can't imagine Peter's shame later. And yet, there was a plan for him, a great plan in which Peter was to play a remarkable role. Let us remember that excessive guilt and self-loathing are also a form of self-indulgence; it's God's love we need to accept and follow.