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Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce from your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."
- Matthew 19:1-12
In yesterday's reading, we were told that after Jesus explained a system for mutual correction in the Church, Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce from your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." My study bible notes that the basis of the Pharisees' test is Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Jesus' overall concern is for love and he purpose of marriage as love and spiritual bond between husband and wife. As is so often the case, the emphasis is on love and inclusion, particularly of the "weaker" one socially. He speaks of the "hardness of your hearts" referring pointedly to the men, who were the only ones who could initiate divorce under Jewish law. (Roman women could do so, but Jewish women could not. These are the Pharisees He is speaking to.) We really must keep in mind that He has just finished instructing the disciples about care of the "little ones," and about humility in His Church. That is, a difference between the ways that worldly power is used and the ways that His holy power is used in service to God who is love. (See, for example, Luke 9:55, in which Jesus told His disciples, "You do not know what manner of spirit you are of.") Jesus hearkens in His answer the purpose of marriage as given in the creation of the world and of human life in the Garden, an image of peace and of love -- spiritual union as original principle of monogamous marriage. For our weaknesses we are given consideration, and for the conditions of a world and human beings "separated" from God (what is called the Fall), and struggling with all kinds of resulting spiritual problems and oppression. But the original purpose still stands in Jesus' teaching (see Genesis 1 and 2). Jesus adds His own authoritative prohibitions against divorce, says my study bible, including the exception "except for sexual immorality." But we must understand this in context of human weakness and compassion. In the early Church, the reasons for permissible divorce were expanded to include a threat to spouse's or child's life and desertion. This does not diminish the acknowledgement of the spiritual tragedy in such situations. Abuse of a marriage bond must be seen in these terms.
His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it." For much of history, eunuchs were a class of people who held powerful offices within kingdoms and systems of hierarchy. These were often men who had been castrated in order to hold such a position (such as in guarding women of nobility) or by birth, defect, disease, or mutilation. Jesus is using the term figuratively for those whose practice is lifelong celibacy for the kingdom of heaven's sake. This isn't a rejection of marriage; it's rather a holy or consecrated virginity, having nothing to do with self-mutilation (condemned at the First Ecumenical Council). See St. Paul's discussion of marriage and celibacy in the early Church (1 Corinthians 7:7, 25-38).
What is marriage? We have to see in the image of marriage given in Genesis a kind of union of humanity, a sense in which hierarchy does not play a role. Differences between men and women - regardless of current standards for equality - for almost all of human history have remained within a social category of power differences. Most often, there are "realms" of women and "realms" of men, a kind of separation of social participation, such as in child rearing or running of the home (that includes for much of the world farming and economics as well). But the picture we're given here goes beyond equality -- two "become one flesh." Jesus is talking about a spiritual union, consecrated by God who is love. I believe we must see all of His teachings under this umbrella, whether we refer to the just-previous readings or the whole of the Gospels. His concern is with the "little ones," and with love. All the virtues named by my study bible apply here as well as to Jesus' statement, "Unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven" (in Wednesday's reading). That is, character traits of humility, dependence, lowliness, simplicity, obedience, and a willingness to love and be loved are also those characteristics necessary on both sides for a good spiritual bond in marriage. You don't find love without humility, or a willingness to love and be loved. Dependence is for both partners, regardless of social status, as it exists in many dimensions and expressions. As is so often the case, Jesus' teachings leave us with the understanding that our bonds and ties with one another don't just depend on one side, but upon each of us living in faith. A marriage is a type of mirror of the two greatest commandments to love God with all one's heart and soul and strength, and to love neighbor with the same. The difference is that this bond goes much deeper than that with a neighbor; this is a bond that results in two becoming one. And just as relevant are the teachings given in recent readings on mutual correction and forgiveness. In this context, marriage has often been seen by the Church as the layperson's way to holiness. A marriage is filled with an ongoing need for understanding and practice of loving mutual correction, the importance of self-awareness and acknowledgement of our own shortcomings and harm we may do, and for forgiveness. Jesus gave us a picture of an open dialogue for "offenses" in His teaching on mutual correction in the Church. A sound marriage (and good therapy and spiritual direction) will encourage the same truthfulness with love and capacity for forgiveness. This is all the work of the heart, something we lose sight of too often in modern discussions about marriage and its nature. Let us start with love and mercy, and the help of the grace of God, and take our perspective and "work" from there. We don't live in a perfect world, but the practice of love requires consciousness, the discipline of obedience and humility, and the help of grace. The abuse of such hope is always a spiritual tragedy.
